Free Incomplete by Lindy Zart

heated skin.
    “Or maybe they just balance each other out, you know, even things up.”
    “Like pizza and a salad?”
    She smiles as she glances at me. My heart speeds up and it has nothing to do with physical activity. I remember the feel of those lips on mine in striking detail. “Yes. Or chocolate and fruit.”
    “Beer and water.”
    “Broccoli and French fries.”
    “You want to get some breakfast after this?” I ask, suddenly hungry.
    Lily laughs. “Yes, but only if we have French toast and oranges.”
    “Or bacon and asparagus.”
    She recoils just as we crest the hill and the road evens out. “Asparagus? Ew.”
    “You don’t know what you’re missing.” The brown building dubbed Fennimore High School is within view.
    “And I’m okay with that.”
    ***
    We’re on our way back to our homes, sweaty and drained. I’ve been dwelling on whether or not Lily is going to Garrett’s party. I could go. He wouldn’t want me there and I wouldn’t want to be there, but I could go. It would be for all the wrong reasons; to keep an eye on Lily, to make sure Garrett doesn’t hit on her, to be positive she’s safe—that one is the singularly right reason, but I can’t do it. I tell myself if she brings up me going again, I will. Otherwise, I won’t. I’ll pace the length of my room the whole time she’s gone and pick up my cell phone a million times to call or text her, I’ll imagine all kinds of maddening scenarios, but I won’t go.
    When we’re to her house, I bend over and place my hands on my knees as I try to catch my breath. I straighten, feeling Lily’s eyes on me. There are damp tendrils of hair waving near her temples and her skin is flushed. She’s never looked better. She has also never looked more conflicted.
    “We’ve been friends for ten years, Grayson.”
    “Yes.”
    Lily swallows and looks at her house. “You’ve never kissed me before.”
    I stiffen, instantly cold. I don’t say anything, waiting for her next words. I don’t know if I want her to say any more, but I’m guessing I probably don’t.
    She looks at me, her brows furrowed. “I’m really confused.”
    I am unbelievably confused.
    “Say something.”
    I swipe a hand through my wet hair, sighing. I show Lily my back as I try to find the best way to voice my thoughts. Do I lie or do I tell her the truth? If I lie, it might be helping her in the long run, but I might also regret it the rest of my life. If I tell the truth, I won’t have to hide my feelings anymore, but again, I might also regret it for the rest of my life.
    I look at her. “Do you want the truth?”
    “Of course I want the truth.”
    “The truth is…” I wince. “The truth is…” Fuck. I am a coward. I know that now. That is a truth. I can’t tell her, I just can’t. Not yet, and probably not ever.
    “I was curious. About what it would feel like to kiss you. You’re a girl and I’m a guy. You know how it is for guys. That’s all.” I shrug. If Lily believes this, I will be astoundingly surprised. She can read me like no one else can.
    “That’s all, huh?” She tilts her head, her lips pursed as she studies me.
    “Yep.” I avoid her eyes, and then realizing that is the worst thing to do when lying, I meet her gaze, though it is torture to lie to her while looking into her eyes. Not that any other way is preferable. I hate lying to her. It puts a bitter taste in my mouth and causes my heart to pound in misery.
    “And what did you decide from that kiss? Was it all you’d hoped it would be? Was it terrible? Do you want to kiss me again?” Lily’s face and tone are mildly curious, but her chest is rising and lowering much too quickly and she’s watching me much too steadily to make me think her nonchalance is anything but feigned.
    Aside from the seconds divided by guilt that I let it happen and the urge to punch Garrett’s face in, I have been unable to think about anything else since it happened—kissing her again. It has pretty