thought about
how much he meant to me, the more I believed that everything else would fall
into place.
We could make it work.
Because all you need is love.
And if The Beatles were wrong, at least I would find out for myself
and not have to take anyone else's word for it.
I stood up from my chair like a soldier, full of new resolve and
galvanized by my plan.
As my questionable luck would have it, the phone rang before I
could build up any momentum.
"Hi Mom," I said, leaning in the doorway of my bedroom.
"Hi Honey," she said. "I was just calling to check
in."
"Oh."
"How are things?"
My Mom was lousy at small talk. Never once had she called to check
in and had it not turn into some kind of informal, one sided therapy session.
"Things are good," I said, feeling like it was the first
time I hadn't had to lie to her in years.
"How's work?"
"Nothing full time yet, but I'm getting lots of freelance
gigs." So I won't have to ask to borrow money if that's what you're
asking.
"That's good news."
"How are you?" I asked, knowing the sooner we got to the
heart of the matter, the sooner the call would be over. Plus, I wasn't sure yet
if I wanted to tell her about Jack. Not yet. Not until I told him what I needed
to say and felt his arms around me.
"I'm fine," she said. "Just back from another
session with the therapist. ”
"Did you go on your own or-"
"No," she said. "I went with your Father."
"And?" I asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.
"I think he's making progress," she said. "Or at
least everything he says isn't something about what a life sucking bitch I am
so that's progress enough for me."
I sighed. "That's something, I guess."
"Anyway, the therapist still thinks it would be good for you
to join us. She thinks it would mean a lot to your Dad if he could hear what
you had to say in a controlled setting."
It was hard not to burst out laughing at the idea that anywhere
both my parents were present could possibly be considered a controlled setting.
And for a moment, I wondered what that would mean in terms of a wedding…
"Yeah, sure," I said. "I told you I'm not opposed
to doing what I can to help." Though I prefer a more hands off type of
support that creates the illusion that I have my own life.
"How about next Tuesday?" she asked. "She even said
she could see us in the evenings so it wouldn't interfere with your work
schedule."
"Ooooh," I said. "I can't."
"You can't or you won't?"
"I can't."
"Why can't you?"
"Cause I'm going to be out of town."
"But you just went out of town."
"I know, but this is different."
"Where are you going this time?" she asked.
"I can't tell you, Mom," I said, catching my smiling
face in the mirror.
"You can't tell me?!"
I shook my head. "No.
“Why the hell not?"
“Cause,” I said. “It's a surprise."
Chapter
15: Jack
I closed my eyes, letting the cool water run over my face and down
my back.
And I could see her perfectly.
I could see the flush of pink in her cheeks and the blond streaks
that framed her face. I could see the way her eyes grew wide when I pushed
inside her and how they hung at half-mast when I was buried deep.
Why wasn't she here in the shower with me? My nakedness seemed
like such a waste without her around.
It had been days since I heard her voice, and I missed her smell
and the flash of white teeth that shone when she smiled.
Why hadn't she called? Or emailed?
I had checked so many times. And it was the twenty first fucking
century. It wasn't like her pigeon got lost or her letter went missing.
She could've reached me if she wanted to.
Did she not want to?
Was my love so misplaced as to be totally unrequited?
What if-
No. She was just taking the time she needed, the time she asked
for. That was all. It had to be.
Because I refused to believe in any alternative where we