Free Secret for a Song by S. K. Falls

lungs. Can’t
stop me from dancing or doing other stuff, though. I guess I’ll learn at some
point.” She looked at me, grinning. “Maybe.”
    It
made me vaguely uncomfortable, talking to them like I was a part of their club.
I had no right to do it, to claim their friendship through this channel, by
pretending to be just as sick, just as unfortunate.
    But
a part of me loved the power. I loved being the girl I’d wanted to be since the
day I swallowed that needle at seven years old, I loved wearing the badge of
disease proudly instead of clutching it in my sweaty hand while my therapist posited
why, exactly, I was so screwed up.
    I
turned on Cimmeron Street and Zee pointed to a squat brick house to our right.
“That’s me. You can keep my car. Just come pick me up tomorrow and we’ll hang
out again.”
    “Only
if you promise you won’t dance,” I teased.
    Zee
laughed a little shakily. “I promise.”
    “Want
me to help you to your door?”
    “Nope,
I’m feeling better.” She opened the car door and heaved herself out into the
crystal cold night. “See ya, losers.”
    “Bye.”
    Drew
got out and made his way around to where Zee’d been sitting. He gave her a
brief hug, one I examined very closely. Could they really be such great
friends, going through such similar, life-changing experiences and be strictly
platonic? The big cynical bitch inside me smirked at the very idea. But I saw
no evidence of anything but friendship in the hug, at least from Drew’s side.
Zee might’ve held on just a second too long. Then again, she was tired. Maybe
it was just that.
    As
we pulled out of her driveway in her car, I watched her hobble up the drive and
let herself in to her house. When the door closed behind her, the night was
silent and still once again, as if she’d never existed. The world went on.

Chapter Fourteen
    I drove back down the street, the streetlights striping the car in brief flashes
of orange. I felt Drew in the passenger seat beside me, his knees up because
his legs were too long for the small space, even with the seat pushed as far
back as it would go. “So, where do you want to go next?”
    “Home,
maybe.”
    “Oh.”
I was disappointed, and a little angry at myself for being disappointed. What
the hell did I expect? That he’d want to go back to Sphinx and make out?
    “You
can come in. If you want to, I mean.”
    I
looked at him, and he was watching me, a small smile at the corners of his
mouth. Did he mean he wanted us to fuck? Was this some sort of guy code that I
didn’t know? With my limited history of interaction with my peers, I tended to
carefully scrutinize every word people said and what each of those words could
possibly mean. It was like those pictures that, at first glance, looked like a
jumble of colors and meaningless scribbles. Only when you stared really
intently, looked past the thing to the essence of the thing, that you
saw the wondrous house or boat or person that the artist had wanted you to see
in the first place.
    I
really didn’t want to have sex with Drew. It wasn’t that I hadn’t had casual
sex before. And I definitely found Drew painfully, ridiculously attractive. A
kind of attractive that seeped past his hair and eyes and height to his bones,
his flesh and muscles.
    But
there was something else about him, too. Something about the chemistry or
whatever between us that I didn’t want to fuck up. And I knew casual fucking
would definitely fuck it up. “Um...”
    “I
thought we could listen to some music, hang out. I’m sort of worn out.”
    “Oh.
Okay. That sounds good.”
    His
apartment wasn’t very much farther, and I slid easily into a parking space
reserved for him. “You don’t have a car?”
    “Nope.
Like Zee said, my driving does leave a lot to be desired since I can’t really control
my ankles that well. Plus, I can either hop a bus or ride with Zee for most
anything.”
    We
got out, plumes of white smoke eking out of our noses and mouths as