Free Actually by Mia Watts

curly. Light brown eyes. Lean build. What was he last wearing?” Aaron repeated the question, trying to pull up the memory of his kid brother in the doorway before he slammed out of the house in disgust. “Black tee shirt. Black cotton pants. He had a long chain at the hip attached to his belt loop, and he wears a couple of thick leather wristbands on each arm.”
“This will be good to get started. I’ll send an officer over for your statement while we put out an All Points Bulletin.”
“Thank you.” Aaron hung up the phone. “They’re sending someone over for the rest of the information.”
“You might want to pull together addresses and phone numbers of his friends for them to check out,” Ian suggested.
“Of course, why didn’t I think of that?” Aaron asked feeling disgusted with himself. He picked up the notepad and pen, jotting down names as he thought of them.
“Because you have a lot to deal with.”
“That’s no excuse. He’s my brother. I should be prepared for shit like this. I should know what he’s up to and where he goes when he takes off. I should be able to tell you who all his friends are and know how to find them. I should—”
Ian grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a small shake. “Stop it. Stop beating yourself up for something that was out of your control.”
“Was it? I could have gone after him and made him stay home.”
“No, you couldn’t have. Do you think that he’d have listened? Do you think that you could lock him away and still have any ability to work or study? You can’t know everything. You can’t be everything. And sometimes, like it or not, things fall through the cracks. It just means you pick them up again and try something different next time.”
Aaron snorted. “Like not kissing his history teacher in front of him.”
“That’s not the real reason he ran and you know it.”
“Do I? Because it feels an awful lot like it’s my fault,” Aaron protested.
“Because you’re taking it all on. You can’t do that. You can only control yourself and your own actions. Right now that kid is on a free-for-all, hurtling himself through life without a speed bump to slow him down.”
“That’s my job.”
“No,” Ian said gently. “Your job is to be here when he comes back. To love him anyway, and to be the one thing in his life that isn’t broken.”
“How?” Aaron all but shouted. “How am I supposed to be that when I can barely keep my own life together?”
Ian pulled Aaron against him, holding him with iron arms. “You let me help.”
Aaron dissolved against him, resting his cheek on Ian’s shoulder as Ian held him and rocked.
“You take on too much, Aaron.”
“I wasn’t given a choice. I didn’t want my parents to die. I didn’t want to leave law school. I didn’t want to take on all the bills or homeownership or parenting. I wasn’t asked, Ian. It was handed to me on a bloody platter.”
“I know.”
“I didn’t even get to say goodbye to them. Not while they were living. Not really. The last thing I said was, see you at Christmas. If I’d known I wouldn’t, I’d have hugged them and told them how much I love them.” Aaron’s throat burned with unshed tears. He tried to push them down like he had every other time.
“They knew or they wouldn’t have known to put you in charge of their estate. They knew you loved them. They trusted you with everything they had, including Mike.”
“Look how well that turned out.”
“I’d say you’re doing a great job for a guy who hasn’t mourned his own losses yet,” Ian countered.
“I can’t. I have to stay strong. What is Mike going to do with a brother who falls apart? How will I help him them?”
“Maybe he needs to see you fall apart a little. Maybe he’s holding back his grief, acting out the way he is, because he thinks that’s how he’s supposed to handle it.”
“That’s stupid.” Aaron looked up at him.
“As stupid as an older brother who won’t cry when he’s lost