Free Maggie Get Your Gun by Kate Danley Page A

been overkill.  It was a little like
dowsing for water, except I was the old dude walking around with a piece of
wood pointed at the ground.
    It worked, though, because what seemed like only twelve
years later, I reached the glory hole.  The cavern was so big, my weenie little
light barely pierced the darkness.  I listened for any sound of monsters creeping
around, but didn’t hear anything.
    Which is unfortunate, because someone happened to be home. 
The second I popped into the hole, it came flying at my head, trying to knock
out my light.  I lifted my arm to block the blur of motion headed towards me.
    It was a vampire.
    It’s always fucking vampires.
    He tried to hold my arm to bite it, but I swept his leg and
he dropped like a sack of potatoes.  He didn’t give me any time to gloat
because he was up on his feet again.  He stepped outside the perimeter of my light.
    “Marco…” I called.
    “Polo!” he cried as he tried to jump at me from behind.
    I flipped him over my head and raised my stake to nail him,
but he was gone.
    “Marco…” I called.
    “Polo!” he screamed as he came at me again.  He tried to
pin my arms at my side and I could feel his fangs scraping along my neckguard. 
I backed him against the wall and started slamming him into the stone, again
and again and again until he let go.  I turned to stake him, but he had
disappeared.
    “Come on, dude.  It’ll just be one little poke and you’ll
go right to sleep,” I explained, getting my silver stake in my other hand.
    “Why do you invade our den?” the vampire hissed.
    Great.  Mr. Smith had directed us to a vampire den.  I
suddenly understood why the comb had not been retrieved before.  I knew one old
man who was not going to be having a good day once I got out of this.
    “Just antique hunting…” I replied, trying to spot him.
    The vampire came at me and all I managed to do was stab his
arm.  He roared, but I knew I hadn’t done any damage.
    “Are you one of Vaclav’s minions?” he screamed at me.
    “Ew.  Dude.  No.  I hate that guy.”
    “You lie!” he roared as he came at me again.
    I could tell from his voice where he was coming from and I
had my stake braced and ready when he rushed me.  It got him clean through the
sternum.
    He looked down at it, as if in shock, “It was supposed… to…
protect me…”
    And he slid to the ground.  And wouldn’t you know it, he
was wearing a purdy lil’ quartz comb right in his purdy little hair.  I took
the comb off and cursed as it zapped me.
    “OW!  Muther fucker.  You’d think I’d learn,” I said as I
dropped it in my pocket.
    I leaned my elbows on my knees and looked at the vampire. 
He looked angrier than a cat who fell in a bathtub.
    “Listen, it only protects you against silver.  This stake
is wood.”  I removed the wooden stake and slammed him through the heart with
the silver stake.  “This one’s silver.  Feel the difference?”
    He gasped and died.
    I wiped both stakes off on my legs and holstered them up
before gingerly taking out the comb.
    The translucent stone face was carved almost exactly like
the brass one we had found.  It even had the same scarabs etched into the
surface.  It looked like something a Spanish señorita might wear in her hair,
draped with a lace cloth.  It was certainly lovely, if you overlooked the fact a
bunch of monsters were hoping to make it next season's fashion trend.
    I swung the light on my hat around the glory hole looking
for the exit.  The cavern was filled with so much treasure, it looked like
something straight out of a pirate movie.
    I was tempted to shove as many goodies in my pocket as I
could carry, but I knew it’d turn into that whole
monkey-with-a-banana-in-a-cookie-jar-who-dies-because-he-didn't-let-go-before-the-monsters-showed-up
thing.  The vampires were gonna be pissed someone had found their secret
hideout.  And I didn’t want to be around for them to figure out it was me.
    I took off