Free Love and Other Things I'm Bad At by Catherine Clark Page B

and Lennon, I think. Twins. You do remind me of her a little. But I think when Jennifer says it, it’s not a compliment, so look out.”
    Does this mean I get to quit and transfer, too?
    Oh joy oh joy oh joy. When?

9/13
    Got home from phoning unsuspecting alumni and received very disturbing emails from naïve Mom. She has suddenly gone from not dating to being romanced by a chat-room guy.
    She forwarded me a couple of emails he wrote and asked my opinion. Didn’t he seem like a great guy to me? she asked. SEEM being the operative word here. Here’s our email exchange:
     
    Mom—
    I’m slightly worried about this Internet Romance Idea of yours. What about meeting guys in person? What about that guy in your book club? You said he was nice and sweet and you liked the same books. You really need to be careful. Haven’t you told me a hundred billion times not to do risky things like this? Promise me you won’t agree to meet this guy in person!!! —C
     
    Bryan—
    You have got to keep an eye on Mom! She’s getting swept away by guy in chat room who is at best a psycho and at worst a serial killer. Don’t let her make any dates, and keep track of her, wherever she goes. —C
     
    Courtney—
    She’s already met the chat-room guy. He’s fine, harmless, bald, boring as hell. Don’t worry.
    —Bryan
     
    Like I trust Bryan’s opinion on anything involving romance, the heart, etc.? He pined after Beth for 5 years and then somehow convinced her to date him. Still don’t understand that, 1 year later.
    Anyway, I should be glad Mom is at least showing interest in the dating thing. If she finds someone she really likes, that will be great. I just don’t want him to be the kind of person who turns out to be—well, just like Dad.
    Must call Alison now and ask her to intervene. Mom will listen to Alison because she’s the oldest and because she’s—well—better at this stuff than me. Has had stable relationship with Jessie for almost a year. Of course, they go to the same college , so that helps.
    I really do need to stop resenting everyone else on the planet. Especially when they’re my siblings.

9/14
    You know how sometimes your friends don’t get along? And you’re the link and you feel really awkward because of it? Tried to hang out with Mark and Thyme today. I had already planned on lunch with Thyme, and Mark invited himself along. Mark had already told me he thought Thyme’s hair was cool but that he hated the rest of her neo-hippie look. Since he comments on everyone’s hair and clothes, I didn’t think much of it—until they got into a raging argument while we waited for a table. Thyme insisted we wait so we could sit in non-smoking; Mark insisted we sit at the counter so he could smoke. Since I’m used to hanging out with Beth, who used to smoke, it didn’t really matter one way or the other to me. Thyme thought I was taking Mark’s side and stormed out. I thought maybe I should go after her but just then one of the waitresses walked by with a yummy-looking giant salad on her tray and I decided not to.
    “You’re not having a malt?” Mark asked after we ordered. “Are you high?”
    (Why does everyone keep asking me that?)
    I laughed. “No, actually, I’m LI.”
    “You’re from Long Island? I thought you were from Denver.”
    I hit his arm. “No, it’s my stomach. It’s a condition.”
    Mark unwrapped his straw as he thought this over. Then his nose wrinkled, like he’d just thought something sort of gross. “You have a problem with your large intestine?”
    I couldn’t stop laughing. “No! Well, sort of. I’m lactose intolerant.”
    “Oh. What a drag. That’s kind of like me and cheap hair products.” He shivered. “I break out in hives if it’s not salon quality.”
    Mark slurped his chocolate malt when it came, topped with this perfect pinnacle of whipped cream. My mouth watered. Of course it was impossible for me to tell him that I really wanted a sip now. Have to wait until