displacement of her own. Oh, but I could not bear to be in her household. Whereas here I was at Chelsea with the stepmother to whom I was devoted, with my tutors, with this pleasant easy-going household… and the Admiral. If I were honest I must admit that I was looking forward to some encounters with that plausible and fascinating man.
But I must not offend Mary and I should have to pen my refusal very carefully. Mary could easily be Queen for I had heard secretly that the King's health was certainly not improving since he had come to the throne. Mary Queen…a Catholic country again! I must indeed tread very warily. But on one point I had made up my mind. I was not going to leave the exciting place Chelsea had become.
I wrote several drafts. Words were so important, and the wrong ones could wreak irretrievable damage. I began by deploring the marriage. It was as abhorrent to me as it was to her, but I did feel that my sudden departure from Chelsea might create a difficult situation. There was a powerful party guiding the King, and the Protector was a Seymour. My position was not very safe, nor, I reminded her, was hers. We had to walk very carefully in these dangerous times. Moreover our royal father had appointed Katharine Parr as my guardian and to leave her would be going against his expressed wish. I knew my good sister would understand my feelings and much as I should enjoy being with her, I felt that my place was in the household of my stepmother—in spite of this unfortunate marriage.
I was rather pleased with that. It was my first real lesson in diplomacy.
I was looking forward with great excitement to the future.
SOON AFTER MY fourteenth birthday the household moved to Hunsdon. I was really finding life very stimulating. Learning was always a great pleasure to me and I spent a lot of time with my books, but there was a certain time for frolicking; and it was really a most unusual household because Thomas Seymour was part of it.
I was amazed at first to find that I could forgive him for his mercenary actions and for going at once to my stepmother when I had refused him. After all, I reasoned, he had asked me first. That, said my wiser self, was because you had the hope of a crown. You are not without means either.
No. But Katharine was richer, and he still asked me first, retorted the foolish romantic part of me.
I felt impatient with myself. That was Kat Ashley's reasoning.
The truth was that Thomas was an adventurer, a lovable, charming manbut an adventurer. He watched me closely and sought opportunities for being with me. When he could, he would come upon me alone. That was what he liked best. He would touch my hair and comment on its brightness; sometimes his hand strayed to my throat. He was always ready to seize opportunities and I knew that if ever I gave him one he would take it with both hands. He wooed me in a way with his eyes and his gestures; and even when my stepmother was present he would keep up a bantering conversation—in which she would join—and I wondered why she could not see what his intentions were. He flirted blatantly with me and then he would pretend that I was only a child and that was why he behaved as he did; and she seemed to take that for truth. Fourteen is not too young for a girl to take a lover. That was what he wanted, I knew. That was his intention all the time.
Kat noticed it and giggled about it. She made whispered conspiratorial comments when we were alone. I really do believe that if I had been agreeable she would have helped me make clandestine arrangements with him. Kat wanted excitement all the time and she never gave any heed to what the consequences might be. As for myself I must admit that I was enjoying these situations. It occurred to me that it could not have been better. I did not want to marry and place myself in danger and possibly jeopardize my chances of taking the crown. What I wanted was to have all the fun of courtship without coming to the usual