Free Relinquished by K.A. Hunter Page A

never allowed myself to just feel, to respond to a man’s touch.  Sex had always been a trade for something—a place to stay, food, or simply because I hadn’t wanted to be alone.  
    But Holden was asking for something different. He wanted me to be vulnerable…open. He’d said for us to slow down, which didn’t seem to be happening, but I knew he was also letting me take control of how far this would go.
    Not realizing that my nerves had affected my physical response, he stopped moving and whispered, “You okay?”
    I didn’t have an answer.  Hell yes, I was up for being with him, but no, I wasn’t sure I was ready for emotions I’d never allowed myself to feel before. The moment he sat up, I was overcome by my insecurities but wanted to appear casual as I reached nonchalantly for the sheet next to me.
    He shook his head. “If we’re doing this, I want to see all of you. Nothing hidden. I want you to trust us.” He kissed my fingertips, and I wanted to believe him, let go, throw my insecurities to the fucking wind.  
    I can do this. He’s worth giving this a try with.
    Taking calming breaths, I slowly pulled the sheet away and tossed it onto the floor. His eyes and smile broadened, unapologetically devouring my body, but the moment he saw the long scar on my lower belly, I sucked in a sharp breath.
    “What happened here?” he asked, tentatively tracing a finger over the puckered line.
    I tried to act like it was no big deal, but a jolt of electricity shot up my spine when his fingertips made contact, a grim reminder of my harsh past. Losing control, I scurried to the headboard and grabbed a pillow to hold in front of me protectively.
    “Don’t touch it,” I whimpered.
    Every second of bliss that I had just encountered was gone, replaced by the screaming sirens of my past once again. How could I ever believe that I’d be normal, that I’d be happy when the blaring reminder of what I had endured was carved into my body?
    My knees were pulled up to my chest, and I hung on to the pillow for dear life before I had a chance to even think about my reaction.  No guy had ever scrutinized my body before or asked that question. Because no one had ever cared to, noticed, paid attention.  Hell, the majority of the time I still had most of my clothes on when a guy screwed me.
    “Jules, I’m sorry,” he pleaded. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” He sat back, running his hands through his messy hair and stared at me like he didn’t know if it was okay to move.   I probably looked like a scared animal ready to bolt.
    I shook my head, fighting the flashbacks of Travis slicing into my flesh. I couldn’t go there right now.  This was a safe place, and Holden had meant no harm.
    Still, there was no way I was going to show him anymore of my body tonight. “Can we just do it under the covers?” I asked in a small voice.
    He leaned in, disappointment but also resolve in his eyes. “No, Jules. You need to be comfortable and want it.  It isn’t a chore.”
    I closed my eyes, regret washing over me. “I’m sorry.  I do want this, you just surprised me.”
    He sighed. “We have plenty of time, and I’m not in a rush.” Then he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before getting off the bed.  My eyes were drawn to his still full erection as he stood at the foot of the bed.
    What a waste, I couldn’t help but think.
    “I can take care of that if you want.” I pointed to his obvious current state.
    He smiled and shook his head. “Don’t go anywhere.” He disappeared into the closet.
    Leaving me to my thoughts was not always the wisest choice. I sat there, running the whole thing through my head over and over again. What the hell was wrong with me?  This had been a perfect night with the perfect guy, and I had to go fuck it all up.
    Before self-loathing could completely consume me, I leaned over, grabbed my panties, and slipped them on. I was just about to grab the rest of my clothes when