Free The Simple Dollar by Trent Hamm

fortress deep and mighty, that none may penetrate I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain Its laughter and its loving I disdain.” It’s often easier to not speak up and to be alone.
     
    For others, such outward connection is much easier. They are blessed with gifts that make communication and relationship building intuitive and natural.

    Daniel Goleman, in his book
Social Intelligence
, argues that much like some people have a higher IQ, others have a high social intelligence, meaning that they’re able to be successful in many situations. He defines social intelligence as being a combination of a multitude of factors, many of which are learnable. 5 Let’s look at these eight factors in detail:
Primal empathy. Goleman defines primal empathy as “feeling with others; sensing nonverbal emotional signals.” Pay attention to how others act, not just the words they share. This skill is incredibly difficult in written communications—it’s the reason that written sarcasm often utterly fails and is perceived as an insult.
Attunement. In Goleman’s words, attunement is “listening with full receptivity; attuing to a person.” Listen to a person’s words without interjecting your own, and attempt to understand what they’re saying. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and make a conscious effort to see the situation as they do.
Empathic accuracy. Defined as “understanding another person’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions,” this often means that you need to obtain a deeper understanding of who the person is before sharing more challenging or intimate thoughts. The more you understand a person, the easier it is to put yourself in his position and understand where he is coming from.
Social cognition. Described as “knowing how the social world works,” this refers to understanding that relationships are varied and complex.
Synchrony. Goleman defines this as “interacting smoothly at the nonverbal level.” Do the body motions of people in conversation signify interest in each other and pleasure with the situation?
Self-presentation. Are we “presenting ourselves effectively”? Hygiene and cleanliness are a big part of this, as is an appropriate level of clothing.
Influence. “Shaping the outcome of social interactions” means offering your own opinions and guiding the conversation in useful directions.
Concern. Goleman describes concern as “caring about others’ needs and acting accordingly.” If someone needs assistance or help, you step up to the plate and offer what you can.
    In the end, the keys to social intelligence revolve around appearing presentable, listening to what others have to say, expressing concern for and interest in their thoughts, offering useful help when appropriate, and shaping the conversation with our own contributions, all of which can be learned with practice if they do not already come naturally to you.

    Our church’s constitution was in shambles. It needed dozens of changes in order to satisfy the requirements set down by the bishop—and perhaps to retain our 501(c)(3) status. The task looked monumental. It would require dozens of emails and lots of phone calls and long hours of rewriting. No onewanted to step up and do it, but it needed to be done. I raised my hand. “I’ll give it my best shot,” I said. People applauded. Several people slapped me on the back. I was helping, I felt energized and ready.

    July 2008

     
Getting Started
    Being involved in a community is perhaps the most valuable thing you can do with your time—it will return ideas and resources and connections far beyond the value that you put in. Here are five steps for getting started:

     

Get to know the people around you. Make an effort to start a conversation with each of your physical neighbors—the people who actually live near you. Find out who they are, what they do, and what their interests are. If you know of something useful locally, share it—if you have a need for