Free The Next Little Thing (Jackson Falls #4) by Laurie Breton

that amazing, wonderful laugh
of hers.  That kid adored you.  And that kind of adoration, that kind of
happiness?  It means you had to be doing something right."
    He paused in an attempt to capture and organize the thoughts that
swirled and danced inside his head.  Clearing his throat, he said, "We
have a little girl now. Casey and I.  Two days old, and, God, Danny, she's so
beautiful! So perfect. She looks just like her mother. We named her Emma Danielle,
after you. I'm not even sure which one of us came up with the idea first, but
we both knew it was what we wanted.  It took us some time to pick a first name,
but we knew that middle name right from the get-go.  Daniel for a boy, Danielle
for a girl.  It's a little unconventional, but then, when have the three of us
ever done anything conventional?"
    His stomach gurgled and churned.  "I'm scared, Danny, more
scared than I've ever been in my life. So damn scared that I want to run away
and never look back.  How's that for irony?  You never wanted kids, and you
were the best damn father around.  A natural.  Me, I've always dreamed about
having a half-dozen kids. A big family, like my parents had.  Yet here I am,
scared silly by one little five-pound baby.  I don't know how to do it.  Oh,
sure, I can change diapers and wash bottles and fold blankets.  Any idiot can
do that.  It's the important stuff I don't get.  The whole daddy thing.  How'd
you do it?  How'd you manage to get it right?"
    Wind sighed through the treetops, rustling the spring leaves.
"I know," he said in resignation.  "You can't tell me.  I have
to figure it out on my own.  Just like you did.  But I understand now why you
did what you did.  Why you made sure you and Casey couldn't have any more kids
after Katie died.  You knew you'd never survive the pain if you lost another
one.  It's only been two days, and already I love my little girl so much that
losing her would kill me. I didn't understand before.  Not even after Paige
came into my life.  It took a helpless baby girl to make me understand that it
was self-preservation driving you. For so long, I was furious with you for
doing that to Casey.  Hurting her that way.  But now, with a baby of my own, I
finally see your side of the story.  You weren't a monster; you were in pain. 
Terrible pain.  And you did the only thing you knew that would prevent that
pain from ever happening again."
    All around him, the tall grass nodded, and disembodied voices
whispered on the wind.  He strained to hear what they were saying, but he
couldn't quite make out their words.
    "I'm taking care of her," he said.  "I don't want
you to ever worry about that.  Well, hell, as long as we're being honest, I
always took care of her.  You always had your head in the clouds.  I was the
one with my feet on the ground.  My wife is an amazing woman.  But I don't have
to tell you that.  You loved her, and you knew what you had.  How goddamn lucky
you were. You just couldn't maintain. That's the difference between us, Dan. 
No matter what happens, I won't let her down.  I'll always be there for her,
just like I've been there for her since the day you brought her into my
life."
    He'd come here looking for answers.  And he'd found a few of them,
although they weren't necessarily the ones he'd been seeking.  "I always
looked up to you," he told Danny.  "Even when I wanted to put both
hands around your throat and squeeze, I still thought you were a god.  But you
weren't, were you?  You were just an ordinary guy with an extraordinary
talent.  And, me?  I have to find my own way, even if it means stumbling around
half-blind, feeling my way in the dark.  I've pretty much made a career out of
that anyway."
    He rose to his feet and drew in a deep breath.  Walked over to the
headstone and touched his knuckles to the smooth, polished granite.  "It's
been great talking to you," he said.  "Break a leg, buddy."
    And he walked away, the warm sun on his