between, the expressive eyebrows, and the lush lashes.
He continued to be enchanted by the task that he had set for himself. He also remained convinced that he had seen something in the dog’s gaze that was of great importance, an ineffable quality that words could not describe but that his inexplicably enhanced talent, his seemingly
possessed
drawing hand, might be able to dredge from his subconscious and capture in an image, capture and define.
The irrationality of this conviction was not lost on him. An ineffable quality is, by its nature, one that can’t be defined, only
felt
.
His determination to draw and redraw the dog’s eyes, until he found what he sought, was nothing less than a compulsion. The extreme mental focus and the emotional intensity that he brought to the task perplexed him, even worried him—though not sufficiently to make him put down the pencil.
In Rembrandt’s famous
Lady with a Pink,
the subject doesn’t communicate directly with the viewer but is portrayed in a reverie that makes you want to enter her contemplation and understand the object of it. The artist gives her nearer eye a heightened color contrast, a clear iris, and a perfectly inserted highlight that suggests a mind, behind the eye, that is no stranger to profound feeling.
Brian had no illusions that his talent approached Rembrandt’s. The subtlety of the translucent shadows and luminous refractions in this latest version of the dog’s eyes was so far superior to the quality of anything he’d drawn before, both in concept and execution, that he wondered how he could have created it.
He half doubted that the drawing was his.
Although he was the only presence in the apartment, although he had watched the series of pencils in his hand produce the image, he became increasingly convinced that he did not possess the genius or the artistry required to lay down upon paper the startling dimension or the luminous mystery that now informed these finished eyes.
In his thirty-four years, he had no slightest experience of the supernatural, nor any interest in it. As an architect, he believed in line and light, in form and function, in the beauty of things built to last.
As he tore the most recent drawing from the tablet and put it aside, however, he could not dismiss the uncanny feeling that the talent on display here was not his own.
Perhaps this was what psychologists called a
flow state,
what professional athletes referred to as
being in the zone,
a moment of transcendence when the mind raises no barriers of self-doubt and therefore allows a talent to be expressed more fully than has ever been possible previously.
The problem with that explanation was, he didn’t feel in full control, whereas in a flow state, you were supposed to experience absolute mastery of your gifts.
In front of him, the blank page in the tablet insisted on his attention.
Go even closer on the eyes this time,
he thought.
Go all the way into the eyes.
First, he needed a break. He put down the pencil—but at once picked it up, without even pausing to stretch and flex his fingers, as if his hand had a will of its own.
Almost as though observing from a distance, he watched himself use the X-acto knife to carve away the wood and point the pencil.
After he sharpened a variety of leads, to give them typical points, blunt points, and chisel points, and after he finished each on a block of sandpaper, he put the last pencil and the knife aside.
He pushed his chair back from the table, got up, and went to the kitchen sink to splash cold water in his face.
As he reached for the faucet handle, he realized that he had a pencil in his right hand.
He glanced at the table. The pencil that he thought he had left beside the art tablet was not there.
Before Amy had called him to assist on the rescue mission, he’d had only an hour’s sleep. Weariness explained his current state of mind, these small confusions.
He put the pencil on the cutting board beside the sink
Grace Slick, Andrea Cagan