Free Falling by Suki Fleet

“I told you so.”
    “This is your neighbor, right?” Soren leans over the cash register I’m sitting behind, his light blue eyes scrutinizing me. Once again I am reminded how disgustingly attractive he is.
    “Yep.”
    I dig around under the cash register for any stray receipts or rubbish. Perhaps if I look like I’ve got something to do, he’ll go away.
    “So, she’ll get some help now, right?”
    Soren puts a hand out and squeezes my shoulder. I force myself not to freeze, but I’m shocked. Casual contact always shocks me, especially from other men. Repeatedly I tell myself I’m just not a tactile person, but I think it’s more than that. I think it’s perhaps related to my determination not to feel anything too deeply, not to become involved.
    “Hopefully,” I murmur.
    “How’s her son taking it?”
    “Okay.”
    But I don’t want to talk about Angus. I’m filled with such weirdly protective feelings every time I even think about him, and I’m trying really hard not to think about him.
    “So, I hear you and Emma had a little chat yesterday.”
    Soren changes the subject faster than the fucking wind. For a moment I am a little lost, and then I remember. Fuck. Emma is best friends with Lucy, Soren’s girlfriend. Emma has probably announced to the whole world that I’m gay by now. Not that I particularly care that everyone knows. I’ve never hidden it, but I’ve never broadcast it either. I’d just rather it not be the focus of attention.
    I hold Soren’s gaze, wondering if that was why he touched me just now—if it was some weird reassurance that he doesn’t care.
    “I’ve known you were gay since forever,” he says softly, flicking his damn lip ring with his tongue and smiling.
    How? I wonder, but I’m not going to ask. I’m hardly obvious. I’d always thought I’d been careful not to display any inclinations. Emma’s suggestion that I might be asexual is closer to how I imagine I appear.
    “I’ve had a crush on you since the day I sat in on your interview. When we first met, you tried to hide it, but I could tell you were attracted to me. People have tells, you know.”
    Tells? I wonder what mine are. I wonder how I give myself away.
    I swallow, trying to take in this new information, because it doesn’t make sense. Soren, my boss, who is stunning, has a crush on me. “And you’re admitting this now because…?”
    “I don’t know.” He shrugs, stepping back. “Thought it might cheer you up. Don’t be under the impression I’m going to do anything about it. You’re too antisocial, and more importantly, I have a girlfriend.”
    “Antisocial….” He’s the second person today to say that. I guess I shouldn’t be offended by the truth.
    “Uh-huh. And it’s like you’re nice to look at and talk to sometimes, but then you get too maudlin and you think waaay too much about shit. One day, though, I’m gonna get you to come out with us, and I’ll show you what a good time actually is.” Grinning, Soren winks at me and goes to annoy the next customer through the door.
    Despite not knowing exactly what to think about Soren’s revelations, the rest of the day passes pretty quickly, and I find myself being worn down by his constant conviction that I need to get a social life and his promises of a good time if I agree to go out with him and his friends. Finally I do agree. They have a sort of unofficial Christmas celebration happening in a few weeks, which sounds innocuous enough. At least I don’t think Soren will try to hook me up with anyone like Emma would—he seems to have no agenda about matchmaking. Soren doesn’t interfere in people’s lives so much as he needs to know what’s going on in them.
    A lot can happen in a few weeks, though, so perhaps Soren will have forgotten about his invitation by then.
     
     
    I STOP at a supermarket on the way home and get some groceries—mostly for Angus, though I get a few bits for myself too. I’m aware Angus is quite