Free One Voice 02 - Here Without You by Mia Kerick Page A

organizing his notes each day after class. Anyone could see that Chad was a cool “player,” and I was still Casey the nerd, so thankfulness or pity could be the only two options for this invitation.
    “You wanna party tonight?” Zander appeared incredulous. Neither of us had indulged in alcoholic beverages in college.
    “Yeah, but I want you to come too.”
    He nodded, a blank expression in his light brown eyes. I nodded back.
     
     
    W E WENT to Chad Hutchins’s party. I drank alcohol for the very first time in my life. I got “wasted,” as Zander called it. We both did, I guess. After I threw up a couple of times off the back deck at the party, Zander said it was time that we called it a night.
    My series of errors continued when we got back to our dorm room. After brushing the nasty taste out of my mouth and peeing for the zillionth time, I climbed into Zander’s twin bed and started groping him. I was intentionally breaking the rules we’d set up with Nate. I was initiating sexual intimacy with Zander when Nate wasn’t with us. And I was being pretty pushy about it.
    I had my hand inside Zander’s shorts when he gently pushed me away. “I know you’re pissed off and hurt, Casey, but doing this isn’t gonna make things any better with Nate.”
    That was all he had to say, and I started bawling like a two-year-old.
    Zander held me tightly, and I knew he hadn’t rejected me. He had just stopped me from doing something in a drunken fit of anger that would have devastated all three of us later.
    “Why? Why didn’t he call us? Is it over with us? Does he want to be free of you and me?” I cried and cried and questioned Nate’s motives time and again.
    Finally Zander leaned over to his bedside table and snapped on the light. Then he picked up his phone and started to dial.
    “You can’t call Nate now, Zander. It’s two in the morning.”
    He ignored me and kept dialing. After a minute, he said softly, “Dude, it’s me.”
    It appeared that Nate-the-absentee-boyfriend had been found.
    “Yeah, something sure is fucking wrong with Casey.” Zander listened to Nate for a few seconds before responding. “No, he’s not physically injured. But he’s drunk and losing it. He needs you.” After a short silence, Zander added, “And I need you to level with us. So we’re gonna Skype right now. Go get on your computer.”
    Just like that Zander got up off his bed and took his laptop from his desk. Within a couple minutes, Nate was on the computer screen. It was dark in Nate’s bedroom. We could barely see him.
    “Turn on the light, Nate.”
    Nate’s shadow didn’t move. “Don’t wanna.”
    “Just do it.” Zander’s voice was calm but firm.
    The shadow leaned over and turned on the light. And then Nate looked at us.
    “Shit.” Zander spoke first. I was too busy processing the array of bruises and cuts, swollen nose and puffy eyes to utter a sound. “Is this what happened to you Wednesday night?”
    Nate nodded.
    “You didn’t tell us. You hid it from us like you don’t trust us.”
    “I trust you guys.” His voice sounded so tiny.
    “Then why the fuck didn’t you tell us what he did to you?”
    Up until that point, only Zander had spoken to Nate, but I finally found my voice. “We would have come up to New Hampshire, taken you and Cindy out of there, called the police and children’s services, and—”
    “That’s exactly why I didn’t say nothin’.”
    I was stunned. “But—”
    “Casey—I ain’t figured all this shit out yet. Dunno why Cindy always riles up Uncle Rich so much that he has to beat on somebody’s ass to get his head back on straight, and I know me and her gotta talk about it….” His eyes dropped to his bed or his floor. I wasn’t sure. “And we gotta figure out if us two should make some kinda move from Uncle Rich’s house. But just know I’m just so fuckin’ sorry for givin’ you guys the runaround.” That was a lot for Nate to say all at once.
    And