Free You Make Me by Erin McCarthy Page A

want?”
    We were on his couch and he had kissed the tip of all my fingers. “Yes. I want you to move in now actually.”
    I laughed. “Geez. I feel very wanted.” But it felt like something else. Not Ethan wanting to be with me as much as possible. It felt darker, more sinister. Greedy. Possessive. Insecure. Unpleasant.
    He kissed harder now, with less thought to my desires.
    He wanted to spend every minute together, and frequently after a class I’d be walking across campus and he would appear, having established my routine. He would buy me lunch or coffee or a cupcake and touch me. A lot. The palm on the back, the holding hands, the leaning over and kissing my forehead, my temple, the top of my head, my fingers, hands, lips. In public places like he never had before.
    Plans for the future were talked about constantly and I started to feel pressured to set a wedding date. We’d just gotten engaged. I figured the wedding would happen after my graduation, which was eighteen months away. So in two years. We didn’t need a date. We didn’t need a venue. But he insisted we did. And all I could think was that I was starting to wait in anticipation for the next crack to lengthen, for the next random comment or suggestion to come from Ethan, reminding me that he felt threatened.
    And I was starting to feel the way I did when he piled the blankets high on top of us in his bed- weighted down. Smothered.
    It didn’t help that Heath hadn’t texted me. It had been more than a week and I’d heard no word from him. I found myself darting my gaze around campus, looking for a dark head of hair, anyone not wearing a jacket. Heath didn’t put on a coat until January. But I didn’t see him. He had no reason to be on campus, other than to visit Darla. And Ethan was aware that I was distracted, which made him more clingy. Which drove me to greater distraction. Which made him clingier.
    I could feel the tension growing, spreading, and I waited, trying not to wince, for the windshield to shatter and us to have a huge fight.
    But we got a break because Ethan had to go to Boston for the weekend for his friend Dan’s birthday party. It had been planned for months and though I could tell he wanted to bail he didn’t have a good reason to, so he packed a bag and left, though he pouted about it.
    I couldn’t stand that expression on his face. It was the only time I didn’t think he was hot and super attractive, when he gave me that pinched nose, pulled lip pouty face like he was five and I’d told him he couldn’t have a cookie.
    “I don’t want to go,” he whined.
    “It will be fun.” He had stopped by my room on his way to meet the group of guys going.
    “It would be more fun if you were there.”
    “That sort of defeats the purpose of guys’ weekend.”
    “What are you going to be doing?” He was hovering in the doorway, leaning on the frame. “Girl stuff?”
    “Yes, Aubrey and I are going to give each other bikini waxes.” I was joking, and the look of horror on his face made me laugh. “Kidding! What do men think women do in their free time? Why do you act like we’re so mysterious? I’m going to study for my macroeconomics exam and write a lit paper.”
    Leaning forward I gave him a soft kiss. “Go. Your friends will be pissed. Have fun, but not too much fun. I don’t want you coming home with a tattoo you’ll regret.”
    He took my hand, still sullen, and rubbed his thumb over the back of my wrist, where I had an infinity tattoo. “Is that how you got this?”
    That made my amusement disappear. He had asked about the tattoo before of course and I’d always told him a partial truth. “It wasn’t alcohol. Just teen impulse.”
    What it had been was Heath and I taking the ferry to Rockland and spending the day wandering through shops together, having a picnic in the park that I had packed for us. And using some of Heath’s hard-earned money to get matching infinity tattoos on our inner wrists. It was meant to