Free You Make Me by Erin McCarthy Page B

symbolize that we were forever. I had stared at it many times, wondering what he thought when he looked at the permanent mark on his flesh, the eternal reminder of me. For me, it had depended on the day. Sometimes I had been angry, other times sad. Mostly I had looked at it and thought that one part of infinity was correct- I still loved him endlessly.
    Maybe he had covered his up. It was a cheesy tattoo for a Marine.
    Ethan finally left, reluctantly, and I was alone. I immediately called Tiffany, who had texted me earlier that she had info for me. “Hey, what’s up?”
    “So it turns out that most of his online presence is posts or tagged photos from other people. Because he doesn’t have his own accounts, they’re basically buried unless you know how to look for him. I am going to send you some pics of him in Afghanistan looking all military badass. He also seems to frequently be referred to as Private Deprey or as a nickname, Private Depraved.”
    That made me curl my lip. “I wonder why? He’s not a creeper.”
    “It’s probably just guy talk. Haven’t you ever listened to fishermen talk to each other? It’s insults sprinkled with homophobic jokes. That is what they do.”
    “You’re right. But it’s stupid.”
    “No one said it isn’t. Just so’s you know, I found no evidence of any relationships with girls. Just references to lap dances on leave.”
    “Gross!”
    “Again, not surprising. He was in an all male unit deployed to Afghanistan for ten months straight with no women for literally hundreds of miles. I mean, aside from local women who are under lock and key and nine yards of fabric. So they cut it up a little in Thailand. I think it’s to be expected.”
    “You are the oddest little creature,” I told her. “You have the reasoning of a thirty-five year old.” I actually meant it as a compliment.
    There was a pause. “Yeah. Well. I had to grow up fast. Living in a broken down car at four years old will do that to you.”
    I felt immediately guilty. And sorry for her. Which I knew she would hate. “Beauty, brains, and street smarts. You’re the whole package, Tiff.” Which I meant one hundred percent.
    She made a sound of amusement. “Sure. That’s me. And because of my size I don’t even require extra postage.”
    I laughed. “Good point.”
    “I’m hanging up so I can send the pics and because you know I have very limited minutes on this track phone. This data is going to suck the life out of my allowance.”
    “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”
    “You’re welcome. Oh, and no arrests, traffic tickets, or child support petitions, in case you were wondering.”
    It had never occurred to me that he could have a baby. Holy shit. My heart rate jumped, then settled back to normal. “Thank God.”
    “What are you going to do, Cat? For real.”
    Sitting on my bed in shorts and a tank top, I leaned against the wall and bit my fingernail. “What do you mean? Nothing. I haven’t even heard from him.” Which bothered me. I couldn’t deny it.
    “Just be careful,” she said slowly. “You don’t want to do something that morally you can’t live with.”
    She meant cheat. Have sex with Heath, probably.
    But there were other ways to cheat.
    Was it morally unacceptable to be with one guy yet constantly thinking about another? Yes. Yet I wasn’t going to throw over my relationship with Ethan because Heath had wedged himself back into my thoughts.
    Tiffany had always had stricter moral boundaries than me. I was impulsive. More selfish than I’d like to be.
    But I had changed at UMaine. Become a better person. Right? Wasn’t that what I had done? Or had I just put a glossy layer over the top? And if I had, did it matter? What was really wrong with the girl from Vinalhaven? Heath had liked that girl, and once upon a time, I had too.
    “Just stay true to yourself.”
    I closed my eyes. I was afraid that being true to myself was going to destroy the world I had created.
    And more than