Free Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) by Erica Chilson

give the elite props for educated me so well.” I smile at her brigh tly.
    She’ s pain free tonight. We’ve upped her dosage to four pills. I’m not sure she can feel anything. I know she can’t feel her legs or feet. Weeks ago I had to help her to and from the bathroom, but now that isn’t even an option. I had to ask a few of the ladies from the building to take care of her when I wasn’t around. They never leave now. Several are camped out in the living room. We all know it’s time.
    “How did the ceremony go?” I can see the pain in her expression for missing the ceremony. She isn’t well enough to move from room-to-room let alone leave the house. I don’t blame her and she knows it.
    The ceremony was a joke. I was top of my class and the next in line gave the speech. Hillbrook couldn’t have their scholarship student show up the ir rich children. Those parents paid a huge fee to hear one of their own give some lame speech about how graduation wasn’t an end, but a beginning. It was the same speech that was given at countless schools over the years. They wouldn’t have tolerated the speech I would have given.
    I have no family besides my mom and obviously she couldn’t attend. I was surprised as I walked across the stage that several people clapped, not the whole auditori um as the students before and after me received, but a few from Fate and Ade’s families. I nearly burst out laughing when Whitt squealed Queen at the top of his tiny lungs. I received one standing ovation from Roman. He was camped out at the exit and as soon as I walked across the stage he vanished.
    “It was fabulous, Ma. I gave my speech and everyone loved it.” I lie to her and don’t feel bad for a second. She’ll never find out the truth and I’d rather have her believe that I was given the respect that I was do.
    “Have you thought more about the gentleman’s offer?” She prompts for the hundredth time.
    She wants me t o do it. I’m not sure what it entails, but she thinks that I’ll just carry their child, not my child. She doesn’t realize that she’s pushing me to give away my own flesh and blood to those bastards- Her flesh and blood.
    “I think I may do it, Ma. I can still go to university and the money would help out for the future.” I lie to her again. If a fant asy relieves her worry then it’s worth it.
    “ People do this all the time. I’m a mother and I know how devastated I would be if I couldn’t have shared a child with your father. It pleases me to know that my legacy will live on even after I’m gone. It’s a beautiful thing you’d be doing, Regina. Everyone should know the love of their child.”
I don’t want to shatter her fantasy. The Whittenhowers wouldn’t see it as a gift. The child would be an acquisition. I couldn’t put my child through that life. They can find someone else who is a professional surrogate.
    “I think I will take a light nap. Wake me up in a little bit, Regina.” She closes her eyes and sighs deeply.
    I can hear the fluid in her lungs rasp with every breath. I will never forget that sound for the rest of my life or the way I can see her eyes through her translucent eyelids. Her skin is paper-thin and I worry that if I touch her it will bruise or wound.
    I slide down the wall and prop my elbows on my knees and settle in for the long wait. Lately I don’t really sleep. I sit vigil in her room watching her sleep. She sleep s about ninety percent of the time as her body shuts down. Hospice was here earlier and said it could be any moment. I simultaneously dread and pray for it to come to pass. Her suffering needs to end and nothing hurts more than watching it.
    Light filters in every time the neighbors open and close the door checking on us. I get slightly annoyed by the interruption in my meditation. I’m resting in a calm that isn’t sleep nor awake.
    I should be worried that our front door is wide open, but what is the worst that can happe n? There is nothing