Free Messy and Shattered by Mercy Cortez

only time I felt anything, and although I knew I should feel disgust, a lot of the time all I felt was need. A need to be comforted, a need to be held, a need to feel anything that resembled love. So I let this man who had singlehandedly ruined my life hold me while I cried myself to sleep, because I had no one else in the world anymore. I woke up on and off that night. He never left me. I finally got up, giving in to my lack of sleep.
    "Why are you doing this, Draco?"
    "Doing what?" I hated his eyes. I felt possessed when he looked at me. I was so drained and empty, but his eyes dilated and his mouth smiled and, and that made me feel too much.
    " Here, holding me, being nice." He looked to the floor, contemplating what he should say, or maybe what he shouldn't.
    "You shouldn't cry. I don't like seeing you cry ." He shrugged and went to get up, to walk away and leave me all alone again.
    "Please, stay ."
    T he words left my mouth before I realised they were in my mind. Stay? Yes Aimee, let’s have the murderer and your captor who regularly beats you stay a while, shall we?
    "I can't Aimee, this - y ou realise what's happening here?" I stared at him, confused. His body was fairly bare as he only had tracksuit bottoms on. He started shaking his head and turned to leave again.
    "What? What's happening?" I said it just as he reached the door.
    "...I'm breaking the rules." And he left, left me alone again. I knew what was happening to me and it was becoming harder to ignore, I hated being so cliché. I felt such depths of depression when he left. It made no real sense at all and yet I couldn't help it. I had read some fictional books on kidnap and abduction, I always felt it was a little far fetched, to fall for someone like that and in such a short expanse of time. I even pitied them and yet here I was, crouched against a wall, wishing my captor would come and hold me and lie to me, a sweet little lie that everything would be okay.
    Rahul had gott en stricter after that day. Maybe he sensed something in us, but I knew it was different. The beatings became more brutal. The pleasure Draco was allowed to sometimes inflict, rubbing my body or kissing my neck, became less frequent. He expected things of me, I had to kneel when he entered a room, he would then tap me on the head to let me stand. If he didn't do that it meant I should crawl. It was a bit tedious and if I wasn’t terrified beyond reason I would have laughed.
    Last night Draco had come into my cell, and I knelt fast before him, I was to look down. I heard Rahul’s voice through the speaker.
    "As we discussed, Draco" I had a knot in my stomach so tight I wanted to vomit. I heard as a zip slide down. I kept my eyes to the floor, I learnt the hard way that if you look you get hit. I felt his slender fingers grip my chin making me look up. I saw him, he had his hardening length in his hand as he stroked it. I was scared, and ashamed because unfortunately I wasn't a fool, I knew what was coming. I felt as he pushed his length around my lips.
    "If you bite me, Aimee, I will kill you."
    I was thinking how my death would be a blessing, then my body told me to die after all this would be ironic. I tasted him as he pushed himself inside my mouth. I felt so used and dirty. I was a product, I was nothing.
    He held my head gently and glided himself inside my mouth, I had only done this once before and I wasn't exactly good. I just opened my mouth; I wasn't going to get that fucker off. I heard Rahul direct him.
    "Harder – faster"
    He firmly grabbed my hair and fucked my mouth like I was a whore and my mouth was just an instrument. He pulled out and came on the floor. He let go and I crawled away, holding myself with my knees to my chest and rocking in the corner of my cell. My corner.
    That was last night and now I was in a motel room in a luxury bed, with a shower running somewhere.
    I was so confused as to how to feel. I was a logical person. Logic always won and logic told me