Free Lipstick and Lies by Debbie Viggiano

checkout, my mobile rang. It was Morag.
    ‘You’ll never believe what Henry’s just done!’ she shrieked.
    Like most first-time mothers, Morag was convinced her baby son was a genius.
    ‘Do tell,’ I shoved the receipt and small change into my purse.
    ‘He just said Mama!’
    ‘No! Fancy that.’ Henry was four months old.
    ‘Come over for coffee. You can hear him speak for yourself.’
    ‘Will do. I was on my way to see you anyway.’
    ‘Oh?’
    ‘I need your advice.’
    ‘I’m putting the coffee on now. Don’t be long.’
    Twenty minutes later I walked into Morag’s bright sunny kitchen. Disentangling Eddie’s fists from my hair, I popped him into Henry’s playpen.
    ‘Hello sweetie-pie,’ I cooed at my godson . Henry was lying on his back under a plastic mobile.
    ‘Mwah-mwah,’ he gurgled happily.
    ‘You see!’ Morag said ecstatically. ‘Mama!’
    ‘Amazing! Henry is clearly destined for great things.’
    Morag smirked. ‘You don’t need to tell me Cass – I already know that.’
    It was a good thing I loved Morag. She wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea with her overpowering personality. I sat down at the table. She sashayed over with steaming mugs.
    ‘Any bickies?’ I asked.
    ‘Certainly not,’ replied Morag primly. ‘If you want something to nibble, I can cut you up some carrot sticks.’
    ‘ Thanks, but I’ll pass.’ I’d had enough raw food to last me a life time.
    ‘So. What’s up?’
    ‘Ah,’ I stared morosely into my mug.
    ‘Ah what?’
    And suddenly all my fears tumbled out.
    ‘So what do you think? ’
    ‘Cass, this is Jamie we’re talking about. He is one of the most honourable men I have ever met. In fact,’ she furrowed her brow, ‘I’d go so far as to say he’s the only honourable man I’ve ever met. Apart from Matt of course,’ she added as an afterthought.
    ‘So why was Selina asking my husband to change light bulbs for her at midnight? ’
    ‘ Because she’s a helpless female? ’
    ‘ Huh!’ I took a sip of coffee. ‘ And why did he answer her phone?’ I raked a hand through my hair. ‘Don’t you think that’s odd? If your phone rang right now, you wouldn’t expect me to answer it would you! And don’t forget I heard Selina call him darling . What do you make of that?’
    ‘Just being friendly?’
    I gave Morag a withering look.
    ‘This is ridiculous. Selina just needed a bit of male help. That’s all.’
    ‘You think so?’
    ‘Yes!’ Morag cried. ‘Don’t you think you should tackle the obvious Cass?’
    ‘ The obvious what ?’
    ‘Well clearly your own love life is not ticketty -boo , otherwise you wouldn’t doubt Jamie’s intentions with Selina. Firstly, you need to get bedroom time back on track.’
    ‘But I’m knackered,’ I groaned. ‘And anyway, I tried last night and he was knackered.’
    ‘ Well he had been working late! Look, most of the time you’ re the one that’s exhausted. You have been for months. So you’re not thinking straight. First things first, start with a sleep plan for Eddie.’ The palm of her hand shot up like a traffic cop. My protests stopped in their tracks. ‘Enough of this nonsense about feeding on demand. Eddie isn’t a newborn anymore ! Cut out the night feed. And start a controlled crying sleep plan. I promise you, within one week Eddie will have stopped disturbing you.’
    I shook my head. This was feisty Eddie we were talking about. Not placid Henry. Morag placed a pho tocopied article on the table.
    ‘Do it. Within days you’ll be having seven to eight hours of regular sleep. Every night. Then you’ll have some energy for horseplay. Secondly,’ Morag arched an eyebrow, ‘sometimes nature needs a helping hand. Like herbal supplements.’
    ‘Oh no–’
    ‘Oh yes.’ She rattled a little bottle at me. ‘One hundred per cent guaranteed to put fizz in your fanny.’
    ‘The last time I popped some of your pills I ended up a panting nymphomaniac.’
    Morag held up a hand again while