Free Before the Darkness (Refuge Inc.) by Leslie Lee Sanders

said no . The mistake was
    in hurting Elliot. He'd tried for so long to let go
    of that part of his life. Being that guy had done
    more harm to him than it did any good. His
    relationship with Jena had been affected and he
    would never live it down.
    Surviving the impact was Adam's second
    chance to be the man he truly was, not some
    weak, man-loving failure. But he didn't want to
    think of his failures, he didn't want to go that
    deep. He hated reliving those painful memories.
    He wouldn't go back to that place. However, the
    knowledge that they now had condoms caused
    his stomach to quiver nervously. Butterflies?
    Adam wasn't sure where they were
    headed. At times it was dif icult to tell what
    direction they were going in. His sense of
    direction was skewed especially since structures
    and landmarks had collapsed in huge mounds of
    unrecognizable fragments. Even the stars were
    concealed by the darkness. In all of the chaos it
    never occurred to him to tuck a compass in his
    pack.
    As they walked silently in the dark, cool
    air, Elliot broke the silence first.
    "What time do you think it is?"
    Adam shrugged. "Doesn't really matter
    now. Time doesn't mean much." He took off his
    pack and pulled out a wristwatch. "It's about
    ten."
    "How long were we walking?"
    "Four hours?"
    "I wish I had my cell phone." Elliot sighed.
    "I miss my cell phone. And hot dogs and
    marshmallows too. The camp ire reminded me
    of those."
    The camp ire. Images of stuf ing his hand
    in Elliot's shorts came to mind. Then the
    condoms replaced that picture. Adam shook his
    head, shaking the images away. "You're right,
    you know," he said.
    Elliot frowned. "About?"
    Adam gulped, building the courage. "I'm a
    liar. I lied all my life."
    "About being gay?" Elliot nodded and
    huffed. "Yeah, I know."
    Adam shrugged, head hanging low. "It's
    hard for me to let it go. You know?"
    "Let what go?" Elliot threw his hands in
    the air. "Why don't you tell me what's going on
    with you?"
    "I can't go too deep."
    Elliot stopped walking, anger in his
    rapidly blinking brown eyes. "What the hell does
    that mean? First you're on, then you're off.
    You're warm, then cold. You want me, then you
    don't. Why are you afraid to leave the closet?
    It's just you and me now, Adam. I accept you."
    Adam exhaled, his control slipping
    through his fingers. "It's not that."
    Elliot crossed his arms across his strong
    chest, glaring. "Then what is it?"
    He shook his head. "Coming out always
    meant suicide to me."
    "Oh, get over it." Elliot smacked his lips in
    annoyance. "I came out years ago and I'm still
    alive. Not even a fucking asteroid can get rid of
    me."
    "You're stronger than I am." In terms of
    being out, proud and self-con ident, Elliot
    proved to be much tougher than he.
    "I'm so sick of gay guys acting straight
    because they're pussies. It's always people like
    me who get hurt! Since you're so bad at being
    straight, man up and be you already."
    Adam sighed, bowing his head. He would
    have to go there, to that deep, hollowed out cave
    within his chest cavity. He'd have to return to
    those dark memories and confront them again.
    "Jena found proof of…sessions I had online with
    other men. Explicit sessions. She called me a liar,
    a cheat … a fag. She said my nasty behavior was
    what prevented us from getting pregnant. We've
    been trying for months. Finally, when the news
    came out about the asteroid, she just left me.
    She thought I was too weak to keep her safe.
    She didn't even want me to go with her. So I
    stayed." He sniffed and cleared his throat. After
    a few silent seconds he added, "I loved her. I still
    love her."
    Elliot huffed. "That's pathetic."
    Adam's head popped up. "What?"
    "You still love her after what she did to
    you?" He rolled his eyes.
    "It's not so easy to just switch it off after
    so many years. Plus, look what I've done to her.
    I deserved it."
    "You deserve to be called names and be
    walked out on? She left you in the middle of a
    fucking