Free Can Love Happen Twice? by Ravinder Singh

Many of her answers flashed in my mind. Many of my questions—which I wouldn’t dare ask her to her face but had managed to do so the night before—also came to mind. I was sure she might also be feeling the same. She was the same girl who revealed ‘36-24-36’ and I was the same guy who asked her those statistics. We both had dark circles around our eyes which were loudly advertising our lack of sleep. Though neither of us could actually go back and sleep. The sheer excitement we felt for sure wouldn’t have allowed us to catch any shut-eye.
    The lunch we had that afternoon was extraordinary. It was our usual tasty sandwich, the same chilly Belgian winter and the same warm sun in the sky, but for some reason they all seemed at their best that day. Needless to say, we both had been eagerly waiting for this lunch since the time we’d slept only a few hours before.
    Sitting in front of Simar and watching her eat her meal, I started realizing that somewhere in the depths of my heart someone had finally broken the ice and an unidentifiable part of me had begun to melt. I felt as if it was some kind of magical metamorphosis that was happening to me. Till some time back in my life I used to be lost in my own thoughts, most of which would take me back to my past. I certainly wanted a change in my life but I was not sure how it was going to happen. I had almost believed that the rest of my life was going to continue pretty much in the same way as it had continued till then. Finding love again was not an option I ever thought of, and neither did I want to think of it. Deep in my heart I accepted that I had had my share of love in this life. So what if it had gone? At best, I used to recall my lost love and relive those memories again and again. People do live with memories—not sure how many and not sure how.
    But that day onwards, I accepted that I was no longer the same Ravin I used to be. Gradually, with the passage of each day, I sensed that I was changing. I accepted that I loved Simar’s company. I got all excited when I was to see her at lunch. I would feel low if she wouldn’t turn up for some reason. Most of the time her name would appear on my cellphone’s last dialled contact.
    But despite whatever was happening to me, I must confess that there also was something that was stopping me from sailing in the oceans of my heart. Time and again a counter-thought would knock at the doors of my conscience and ask me if it was perfectly all right to allow everything to proceed the way it was happening. At times I would recall my past and try to find reasons to some unasked questions. Most of the time I wasn’t sure what I was up to. But every time I was sure that I was being true to myself and to others.
    Meanwhile, Simar became more comfortable with me. I remember, after that memorable lunch we had that afternoon, she said that she didn’t need Tanu’s company any more to visit my place. To prove her point she did turn up very quickly on my doorstep. It was the following Saturday and her second visit to my place. ‘I will tell you her story,’ I’d said when we had been playing Truth or Dare. And she had remembered that I had mentioned to do so over the next weekend.
    This was that weekend. She settled on the couch and made herself comfortable. When I was about to get her something to drink she stopped me and said, ‘I am here only to listen to your story.’
    I smiled. ‘So in how much detail do you want to know it?’ I asked her.
    ‘In the greatest possible detail,’ she answered without taking a moment to think. Her response, however, made me thoughtful for a few moments.
    ‘Hmmm …’ I was looking at her.
    In return she kept staring straight into my eyes, waiting for me to start narrating my story. She seemed very sure about her reason for being at my place and she didn’t want to deviate from the same.
    I stood for a while and then walked away. Behind me she called out, ‘Where are you going?’
    I