Free Dancing on Her Grave by Diana Montané

“Sex Games” video might provide a piece of the puzzle as to the kind of relationship Debora had with Jason Griffith, and the way he viewed her. It is easy to stereotype, yes, but falling into the stereotype might have become all too easy for Debora when it came to men, and to the dance; almost like a parody of the brainy girl who described herself as having “a great sense of humor” on Debbie’s MySpace page.
    Black Latina writer Sofia Quintero offered her take, during another interview about the genre, on the sexism of hip-hop and rap:
    Who holds it down at home for these men while they do their thing? Their mothers, grandmothers, sisters, home girls, girlfriends and wives, that’s who. Who raises their children while they’re in the studio or on tour? It’s not their boys, that’s for sure. But for all that unconditional love and support, a woman has no place in a rap song or video unless she’s a mindless sex object or a ruthless femme fatale.
    Was Debora a “mindless sex object,” which in turn caused her to act like a “ruthless femme fatale”? The “Sex Games” video with Jason Griffith certainly paints her thatway: “
Will you be my
slave . . .
” he asks, as she licks his chest, hungrily, and then bends down to bring her face up close to his crotch. Or is that too simplistic an explanation for a pattern of behavior that was growing increasingly more complex by the minute?
    In spite of the steamy sexuality of the video, both participants seem very conscious of being onstage. There is no intimacy in the video; it’s a game, a sex game. Debbie looks, sporadically, straight at the camera, suggestively and seductively. Griffith appears to be toying with his own reflection.
    Dance studios are flanked by mirrors all around. Dancers are, by definition, body obsessed. “
All I ever needed was the music, and the mirror, and the chance to dance for you
,” sings one of the dancers from the meta Broadway show about Broadway dancers,
A Chorus Line
. Which of these reflections was the real Debbie? Which one did she want people, and especially men, to see? Which reflection of herself did she see when she danced before the mirror, to the music? What on earth caused her to leave Baltimore, after obtaining three university degrees, managing financial portfolios, and earning a good salary, to enact these fantasies?
    Once the dance in the “Sex Games” video is over, Debbie and Jason Griffith are seen playing a video game, taking turns at the joystick. That, too, seems like a reflection of the “
sex game, sex game, sex game.
” Griffith isexcited and self-absorbed about the game, like a child. She wins, but he minimizes the importance of the win. And then they play again.
    “I got you, I got you!” Debbie yells triumphantly, and then, while romping on the bed, she defies her partner, playfully and invitingly, “There is nothing you could possibly do right now. . . .” He interrupts her, jumping on top of her. She says something unintelligible about her neck. Then, his back to the audience, Griffith points to his rump, wearing briefs with the logo “Black Panther,” slaps his behind, and boasts, “Yo, muddafuckahs . . . Black Panther’s in da house.”
    Also on YouTube was Debbie’s demo reel, where at one point she dances to the song “Down the Drain” by James Cappra Jr. Debbie recorded a music video for this song with her friend and fellow dancer Matthew Guerrero.
    From the song:
    I can hear the drip, drip, drip, drip, drop
    is going down the drain, is going down the drain.
    During the video choreographed and uploaded by Debbie, she dances to the lyrics, she and Matthew push each other, fight, cry, and then, just as in her real-life turbulent relationship with Jason Griffith, she goes back to him. She hugs him from behind, like begging him for love, for a second chance. More than a choreography, itseems like an act, like one of those dramatic Spanish soap operas. It ends with a close-up