Free Glass Hearts by Lisa de Jong Page B

what he’s hiding from me. I just hope it doesn’t ruin us. I can’t stand the thought of not being with him again, but I’m not going to be in a relationship that isn’t honest and true. I learned all too well what secrets do to a relationship.
    “Did you find Nolan?” I ask, not bothering to look up.
    “Yeah, he’s in the other room. He says he’s still going tomorrow. I told him if he doesn’t, he’s out of here.”
    I feel the bed dip next to me followed by a heavy sigh as I brace myself for what I’m about to hear. “What was Bree talking about earlier?” I ask. I don’t want to tiptoe to the truth. I need to know now.
    “Look at me. I need you to see me when I tell you this,” he says softly, placing his index finger under my chin to turn my head in his direction. “I didn’t do anything with Bree. We talked, and she tried to kiss me, but I stopped her. Nothing happened.”
    “She seemed pretty sure that something did. If nothing happened, why were you so defensive earlier? You couldn’t wait for her to leave.” I grab his wrist, pulling his hand away from my face. When I look in his eyes I see pain, but I’m not backing down. Bree knows something that I don’t, and I want to know what it is now.
    He runs his hands through his hair as he pulls his eyes away from mine. “Alex,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know if you want to hear this.”
    “Maybe I don’t, but I need to,” I reply. I feel sick to my stomach. What can be worse than the man you love being with someone else?
    He sighs. “The morning after you left me the note, when I came to your dorm room, it completely broke me. I was lost and hurt, and I needed something to take the pain away. It’s how I’m used to dealing with things.” I remember Mason and how I tried to use him to take my pain away. It didn’t work for me. In fact, it made things worse and forced me to open my eyes to everything around me.
    “What are you trying to say?” I ask, feeling the pain in the back of my throat as the words leave my mouth.
    “Alex,” he says, swallowing hard.
    I take a deep breath. “What is it? Just say it.”
    “I went to hang out with some old friends that night, and I relapsed. I couldn’t stop the pain, so I tried to cover it up. I needed it to go away,” he says, standing to put some space between us.
    I wince. He will never tell me it’s my fault, but it is. I stomped on his heart that day then expected him to be okay. “I’m sorry,” I say, letting the tears fall down my face.
    “What?” he asks, startled.
    I stand and slowly walk toward him, grabbing his face in my hands. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry. If I hadn’t left you like that, there wouldn’t have been any pain to cover up.” He melts in my hands, letting the pain wash over his face as a single tear rolls down his cheek. I want to kiss it away, but he grabs my wrists and removes my hands.
    “I hated myself the minute I did it. I had seconds to make a choice and I made the wrong one. I spent days getting it out of my system, but I realize the temptation will always be there. I’m the one who’s weak,” he says, pointing to his chest, pleading with his eyes.
    “You’re not weak. You’ve just been through so much more than anyone else I know, and you made it through. You can’t win every fight the first time,” I say, placing my hand over his heart.
    “I’ve been going to meetings again and I see my counselor once a week. It only happened once, and I’m working to make sure it never happens again. Please, Alex, don’t leave me. I can’t go through that again.” His voice cracks, showing his vulnerability. He’s broken, but he’s falling into me instead of running. For once, I need to catch him. I need to show him that he’s worth unconditional love.
    I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my cheek on his chest. I can’t pull him close enough. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
    “I don’t know. You weren’t here, and then you