Free Between You and Me by Lisa Hall

things around to make them my fault, fear making me keep my mouth shut and accept it.
    I decide I’m too tired to eat, and the pain in my fingers is making me feel slightly sick, so I swallow down some painkillers and start to tidy up the dishes you’ve left in the sink while I was clearing up the destruction in the garden. I think about what you said, about how things started to go wrong from when I first took you home to meet my parents, and I realise that you are probably right.
    I am excited that I am finally going to be able to take you to meet my family. I have stayed in London with you throughout the summer break from uni and it feels strange, not having seen them for so many weeks. Now it is October, the weather is turning and we have been seeing each other for five months and living together for two. I still haven’t managed to tell my family that we have moved in together, so I am hoping to kill two birds with one stone today. I had suggested going back in the summer, when it was my sister Anna’s birthday party, but you had fallen ill with a stomach bug so we had had to cancel. Then I thought we could go for a visit at the end of the summer, for August Bank Holiday, a time when traditionally my whole family would get together and celebrate the summer, all of us being together, and my mum would cook up an amazing meal for us all. But at the last minute you had tripped on the way home from your job at a pub round the corner from our house, spraining your ankle, which meant you didn’t really want to travel too far, not with your crutches and everything.
    So at long last, after weeks of planning and me making sure you don’t fall or eat anything dodgy for the whole week before our trip is scheduled, we make it to my parents’ house and I am delighted when Mama throws open the door, gives me one of her huge hugs and tells me that Julia, Paola and Anna are also here to meet you. Mama swoops in for a big bear hug and turns towards you to envelop you in her huge arms, but you already have your hand out in front of you for my mum to shake. Mama pauses for a second, a little unsure. No one shakes hands in our family. We hug, squeeze, kiss both cheeks and go in for another hug, but very rarely do we ever shake hands. I understand, though, why you behave like this. You explained to me in the very beginning that your family are not very tactile – that you don’t remember ever seeing your mother and father kiss or hug each other, and that they very rarely showed you any affection growing up. This is something I try my hardest to get my head around, especially when you push me away and tell me to leave you alone.
    We head through into the lounge and I’m delighted to see all my sisters are here. I’ve missed seeing everybody over the summer, and although we’ve all grown up and moved out, as the youngest I’m still the baby and my sisters love to make a huge fuss of me. Julia, the eldest at twenty-eight, introduces herself to you. Although she’s the eldest of us all, she’s also the tiniest so makes a huge deal about how she is actually the oldest and therefore in charge of us all, to anyone who will listen. I introduce you to Anna, Julia and Paola and you seem a little quiet, although I understand that being the centre of my huge family’s attention is probably quite overwhelming. I squeeze your hand and smile as we head through to the dining room. My mum has done herself proud and has produced a huge tableful of pasta, salad, homemade garlic bread and antipasti. I know how you love Italian food – you always say you can’t beat an authentic Italian restaurant – and I’m pleased to be able to show off what Mama can do in the kitchen. You’re seated between my mum and Julia, which just goes to show how excited Mama is to meet you. That seat is normally reserved for me, but tonight I sit next to Papa who whispers in my ear as I sit down.
    ‘Hey, Sal, that’s a fine one you have there.’ He nods his head