Free Happy Kids: The Secrets to Raising Well-Behaved, Contented Children by Cathy Glass

over-react when your child comes out with a gem you would rather not have heard (which I can guarantee every child will do, at some point after starting school). Speak to them calmly and firmly, explaining why it isn’t a nice word to use, and that you don’t want them to use it again either at home or school. Use age-appropriate language to talk to your child about a man
‘putting his dick in a woman’s bottom’
and set the record straight, although not necessarily at the dinner table. A five-year-old doesn’t need to know the exact details of sexual intercourse (and indeed it could appear quite frightening to a young mind), but you can give some explanation which you feel comfortable with, building on what you have already told your child about the facts of life.
    If your child persists in swearing, or making inappropriate comments, then, as with all unacceptable behaviour, at any age, use the 3Rs to correct him –
‘Tom, I have told you we don’t use that word. If I hear it again I will stop your television time,’
carrying out the sanction if necessary. Don’t be tempted to laugh it off, for the next time your child swears or makes an inappropriate comment it might be when Granny or the vicar has come to tea, and it won’t seem quite so funny then.
    And obviously don’t swear yourself in front of your child. Take time out to cool down, or confine any necessary expletive to something more acceptable like
‘damn’
or
‘blast’
that won’t seem so bad if your child repeats it. As in all things, children learn by imitation and if your child comes out with
‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’
having heard if from you or your partner, then you have only yourselves to blame. Telling the child that is OK for an adult to swear but not a child won’t wash; children can spot a double standard or inconsistency a mile away, and it will do nothing for your credibility.
Bullying
    As your child is now away from you, at school, for the greater part of each day, make sure you have time to talk and listen to him or her, particularly when he or she comes home at the end of school, bubbling with news of the day. Be on the lookout for any worries or anxieties your child might have connected with school, and obviously praise and encourage all his or her achievements. Be alert for any signs your child is being bullied, and take any concerns your child might have seriously. Despite what many schools like to believe (even those with good anti-bullying policies), incidents of bullying are commonplace and usually happen in the playground.
    Also – and this is more difficult – watch out for signs that your child could be bullying others. None of us likes to believe that our little treasure is capable of wilfully harming another child, but all children at some time will say or do something that is unkind, dominating or hurtful to another child. If such behaviour comes to your attention, don’t ignore it, as it will escalate if left unchecked, but don’t over-react either. Act swiftly and firmly, and deal with the incident as you have been dealing with all your child’s negative behaviour, by using the 3Rs. And remember, it is the behaviour and not the child that is wrong –
‘Tom, it was cruel to do that to Sam,’
not
‘You are cruel’.
Explain to your child why the behaviour or remark was wrong (that it was hurtful and we should be kind to others and respect their feelings), and that it mustn’t happen again.
    Some children are naturally more forceful and domineering than others, and while a child continually insisting that he or she should be the leader in a game or being very bossy isn’t bad bullying it is a form of control, which is only one step away from bullying. The child needs to be taught that their playmates should be given a turn to be in charge of the game. Children at this age vary greatly in their confidence and leadership skills, and while some children have a flair for organising, others