Free Marie Sexton - Between Sinners And Saints by Marie Sexton Page A

death.
“Here,” Levi said, handing the water to Jaime as he sat down on the opposite end of the couch. “Drink this.”
“Am I going to feel like shit in the morning?” Jaime asked.
“It’s quite possible, but the water will help.”
Jaime dutifully started chugging the glass of water.
“You’ve never been drunk before?”
“Never.”
“That’s pretty remarkable,” Levi said. “My parents would be proud of you.”
Jaime put his glass down on the end table. He leaned back on the couch and sighed. “There’s a lot of things I’ve never done.” “Like what?”
“Never been drunk. Never been high. Never been in a relationship.”
“And you’ve never been surfing.”
“Right.”
“But you want to?”
Jaime shrugged. “It looks like fun.”
“So why haven’t you ever tried it?”
“I guess…” He seemed to debate what to say as he watched a bikini-clad girl make her escape from a toothy death. “I guess because I’m scared.”
“Of getting hurt?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Not that.”
“Then what?”
Jaime sighed. He leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. “God, Levi, you have no idea what it’s like, do you? You have no idea what it’s like to have fear rule your life.”
Fear? Of surfing? “I guess not.”
“It’s…” Jaime floundered, struggling for a word, and finally chose, “Exhausting.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Everything.”
It seemed like such a melodramatic thing to say. As overly dramatic as the lousy movie on TV. And yet, there was no mistaking the defeat Levi heard in his voice. “Are you afraid now?”
“Yes.”
Levi was surprised at how sad he felt hearing it. “You’re afraid of me?”
“Yes,” Jaime said. “And no. I’m afraid of being here. Of talking to you. Of trying to have a friend. Of being alone. I’m afraid all the time. Every single day. It never goes away. I’m afraid when I go to sleep at night. I’m afraid when I wake up in the morning and I have to face another day. I’m afraid every time I leave my house. I’m afraid of people. I can’t look at them. I can’t let them touch me. I’m afraid they’ll look at me, and they’ll know.”
“Know what?”
“That I’m damaged.”
“What do you mean? You’re not damaged! You’re smart, and you have a great job—”
“It’s all lies, Levi. It’s all pretend. They’ll look at me and know. They’ll know I’m afraid. They’ll know I’m weak.” He stopped talking and shook his head. “You’ll know I’m weak.”
“Jaime—”
“And I can’t let people know. Because once they do, they can do anything. Once people know you’re weak, there’s nothing to stop them from hurting you.” He looked over at Levi, and the pain in his eyes was evident. “I won’t be able to stop them.”
“Then I’ll stop them for you,” Levi said. He didn’t examine why he felt the need to protect Jaime. He only knew if Jaime was scared, it was his job to fix it. He watched as his words sank in. He knew Jaime wanted to believe, but he didn’t. He saw the doubt in his eyes.
Jaime looked away from him and looked around the room, as if surprised to find himself there. His eyes went wide. “I can’t be here,” he said, and tried to stand up.
“You’re too drunk to drive.”
“I have to go home.” He swayed, stumbled. Levi jumped up from the couch and caught him as he fell. “Please don’t touch me,” Jaime said, although there was no force behind it.
“I think you’re going to need to relax your rule this one time.” He put one arm around Jaime’s shoulders, put the other behind his knees and picked him up like a child. He was so light.
“I don’t drink,” Jaime said as Levi carried him toward the hall.
“No kidding.”
“Please put me down. I don’t want you to touch me.”
“Come on, kid. I’m asking you to trust me.”
“I’m not a kid, you know. I’m only four years younger than you.”
That surprised Levi. He had assumed Jaime was younger. He