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Tags: Fiction, General, Humorous, Romance, Contemporary

    Re: What is up with this?

    He gave it to Tim Grabowski in IT.

    Still. The cat COULD be dead now, for all I know. Poor, poor Cal.

    Holly
----

    To: Holly Caputo
    Fr: Jane Harris
    Re: What is up with this?

    You are so pathetic.

    And I wouldn’t feel too sorry for Cal Langdon if I were you. He’s doing just fine for himself.

    Promise you won’t let Mark drive through the mountains. He will plunge us to our deaths.

    J
----

    To: Jane Harris
    Fr: Holly Caputo
    Re: What is up with this?

    Um. Yeah. Maybe I’ll drive after lunch. Or we can get Cal “Large Appendage” Langdon to do it.

    Holly
----

    To: Holly Caputo
    Fr: Jane Harris
    Re: What is up with this?

    SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You trust him to drive????

    J
----

    To: Jane Harris
    Fr: Holly Caputo
    Re: What is up with this?

    Yes, of course! Unlike some people, he’s actually used to driving in a foreign country.

    What is your problem with him, anyway? He was perfectly nice during dinner last night, didn’t you think? And he’s been nothing but charming all morning. So what gives?

    Holly
----

    To: Holly Caputo
    Fr: Jane Harris
    Re: What is up with this?

    Nothing. Stop e-ing me, they totally know we’re talking about them.

    Thank God they don’t know WHAT we’re talking about, though.

    Ew.

    J
----

    To: Mark Levine
    Fr: Ruth Levine
    Re: Hello!

    Is that any way to speak to your mother, I would like to know? I KNOW you think you’re in love with Holly.

    And I will admit she is a very nice girl.

    But I don’t think she’s the RIGHT girl for you, Mark. You two come from two different worlds. Don’t get me wrong, I completely appreciate the Italian heritage. They brought so many important things to the world, such as pasta and that nice Mario Batali from the Food Channel.

    But what kind of future do you and Holly have together? What religion would you raise your children? Are you going to have a Christmas tree? You know the DiMarcos down the street have an entire holy manger scene in their front yard every year, made from cut-out pieces of plywood. Is that what you want, Mark? The baby Jesus in your front yard? Are you trying to kill me?

    I’m just saying, I’m sure Susie Schramm has grown into a very interesting, vibrant girl. Why don’t you see her, just for lunch? What could one lunch hurt? You have a little lunch, catch up on old times… who knows where it could lead?

    Call me, Markie. I’m worried about you. Really.

    Mom
----

    To: Holly Caputo
    Fr: Darrin Caputo
    Re: Hello, it is your mother

    I am using your brother’s email to write this to you. Your father says I should not, that you are an adult and I should let you lead your own life, like your brothers.

    But all of your brothers found nice Italian girls—except for Frankie with that stripper. But even she is a good Christian, when she is not taking her clothes off for money.

    Even Darrin, even HE found a nice Italian boy. Bobby came over for dinner last night and finished up ALL my chicken parmigiani. Such a good appetite.

    I don’t understand why you cannot do the same as your brothers. What is so wrong with finding a nice Italian boy to settle down with? Even a Polish boy would be all right, if he were Catholic. Why do you have to be with this Mark? He is a very nice boy, but he is not Catholic. What does he know about anything?

    I am asking you to think about what you are doing with your life. People are starting to think things about you and this Mark. I saw