Free Love and Sacrifice by Chelsea Ballinger

months, then to juvie for three years. By the time I got out, there were people who helped me out. They gave me a way out."
    "By becoming a drug dealer?" I wouldn't necessar ily call that help.
    "Well , you have to do what you have to do to survive, Ella."
    "I like the way you say my name."
    "After the story I just told you, all you can say is you like the way I say your name?" He chuckles at me and the mood changes.
    "Yeah, after that heartbreaking story that sends my emotions all over the place, all I can I think about is how this person is a survivor and yet still haunted by the pain inside of him says my name with so much integrity and meaning. I think he should know that the little things count. Bad shit happens, but there is a lot of good too. Even if I don’t fully believe it myself. Yeah, Tommy. That's all I can say."
    I continue tending to his scars and studying the marks and tattoos that to me tell the story of Tommy Dumas and where he's been.
    "Why did you have to be so amazing?" I smile to myself, but hear a hint of sadness the way he says it, like he expected me to be less of a person or maybe he hoped I would be.   

 
    Chapter 9
    “Watch It”
    She is doing something to me. Fuck! She is doing something to me. It’s like it’s all coming in phases. Phase I is the instant attraction. Let’s face it, with a girl that looks like Ella, of course you’re gonna have a physical attraction to her from the first moment you see her. Phase II is that instant connection that I never thought existed. From the moment she first spoke to me it was like everything just flowed together. The conversations we have are random and she pushes me to be open and it’s working, and I keep telling myself that I’m just giving her what she wants so she can give me what I want. But what I want is her.
    I want to feel her skin, I want to hear her speak, laugh, and moan. I want to see her smile and I want to feel what it’s like to have her. I want it all and if I have it all, will I be able to destroy it?
    “Hey golden boy.” I cringe at the sound of Terry’s voice calling out to me as I head out of the warehouse.
    “What do you want, Terry?”
    “What are you doing here?”
    “I just came to collect my weekly payment.” Mickey pays us every week and we have to come to the warehouse to collect or pay a debt if we don’t sell enough supply.
    “I don’t get why Mickey pays you. You’re not selling anything. Well, maybe bullshit to the Pierce girl.” He takes a hit of his cigarette and blows the smoke in my face.
    I start to walk past him, but he stops me by placing his hand on my chest and it takes everything in me not to kill him right now.
    “Or maybe I’m wrong.” He smiles. “Maybe you’re not selling the girl bullshit. Maybe you’re buying the bullshit you’re selling? I mean, either way, I got to give it to you. The girl did go to that bullshit catering company to find you.” My heart drops. Shit, I don’t want my heart to drop.
    “How do you know that?” I ask him.
    “Don’t worry about that.” He takes another pull of his cigarette and pats me on the back, hard. “Just keep up the good work. Don’t want to let daddy down.”
    I watch him walk away. I could easily kill him right now, nice and clean. I could snap his neck and bury him in the woods. Why the fuck am I not doing that right now?
    Because if I do, I will be proving him right and I will be letting Mickey down. What the hell have I gotten myself into?
                   Ella
                  “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”
                  “I don’t know, but it sounds fun,” Dina says as she flips through the channels on my TV.
                  I laugh. “It’s just… it’s like I want to take care of him or something. He’s been through so much and I don’t know. I’ve never been able to connect with guys like I do with Tommy. He gets me and I get