Free One Imperfect Christmas by Myra Johnson

Daniel back together tonight.
     
    Somehow, the flimsy reason given for Daniel and Lissa's absence didn't satisfy her. She knew why Daniel had decided not to put in an appearance. After the many times she'd pushed him away, she couldn't blame him if he'd given up trying. She didn't like herself very much these days.
     
    Her father held a steaming spoonful of chili under her chin. “Here, taste this and tell me what you think.”
     
    The aroma usually sent her taste buds into overdrive, but tonight it suddenly filled her with nausea. “Hang on, Dad, I think I left my lights on.” She shoved her father's hand away, and the thick, red-brown sauce spattered the floor. “Sorry.” She fluttered one hand in a helpless gesture before rushing outside.
     
    Leaning against her car, the hood still warm, she raked in huge gulps of frosty air. Stars shimmered in the clear sky overhead. A sliver of moon peeked over the barn roof. The horses nickered softly in their stalls. The screen door banged, and she looked up to see her brother striding toward her.
     
    “Thought you might need this.” He draped her camel-hair coat around her shoulders.
     
    “Thanks.” She sniffed away an embarrassed tear.
     
    Hart planted his slim, blue-jeaned hips against the fender next to her. “You okay?”
     
    “Just … give me a minute.”
     
    “Sorry, Nat. We all knew tonight would be hard for you.”
     
    She released a mirthless laugh. “I actually convinced myself I could handle it, at least for Dad's sake. I even dared to hope things might be different between me and Daniel this time. Then you said they weren't coming and … ”
     
    She looked toward the porch and shuddered. “And seeing the Christmas tree and decorations … Hart, it's just too hard.”
     
    “The old man's a stickler for tradition, just like Mom. I'm sure he thought it would help the whole family get through this season if some things stayed the same.”
     
    “But Mom's the one who made Christmas special. And she isn't here to celebrate with us. It'll never be the same again.” She searched the pocket of her coat and found a shredded tissue. Giving several loud sniffs, she drew it roughly across each cheek.
     
    “For crying out loud, Rosy, you talk like she's already dead.” Hart pushed himself off the fender and hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. He glared at her over his shoulder. “You claim to love Mom so much, but I bet you don't even visit her anymore. When was the last time you went by the nursing home, huh?”
     
    That was the trouble with big brothers. They never got tired of pointing out your flaws—never let you off the hook about anything. With one simple accusation, Hart could make her feel five years old again. She heard it in her voice as she answered. “I've tried, you know I have. But every time I see her like that … ”
     
    The ever-present guilt surged over her like a tidal wave. She covered her mouth to stifle a sob. “If I'd only come out that day—”
     
    “Give it a rest, will you?” He spun around. “Dad and I weren't there, either. And Celia turned Mom down, too, remember?”
     
    “But you had legitimate reasons. You and Dad had been planning to go to that auction for weeks. Celia had to take the twins to the game.” She let out a tremulous breath. “I could have spared a couple of hours to help Mom, but I scraped around for any excuse I could find.”
     
    Hart's gaze pleaded with her. “Come on, Sis, how often have you ever let Mom down when she needed help with something? This was just one time.”
     
    Natalie snorted. “One time too many.”
     
    “How many times do you have to be reminded? She could just as easily have had her stroke during the week while we were all at work and Dad was out taking care of the horses. The results would have been the same.”
     
    Natalie stared at the ground and shook her head. “No, Hart, I'm the one who could have been there, and I wasn't.”
     
    “Aw, give it up, Nat.