Free The Love Machine by Jacqueline Susann Page B

ached. Why couldn’t she look like Amanda? Why did she have to always kid and come on strong to get a man? What did it feel like to have a man actually call you and want you and look at you as if you were the most desirable woman in the world? She walked down to the river and knew the tears were running down her face. Oh God, it wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair to put the heart and emotions of a beautiful woman into the body of a peasant. Why hadn’t her emotions been as commonplace as her body? Then she could have settled for Peter Cinocek, maybe even been happy with him.
“Oh, God”—she said it aloud—”I just want to be someone, to have a man who is someone care about me. Is that too much to ask?” Suddenly she felt an unbearable loneliness. All the dreams, the one-night stands—but she had nothing! Sure, a nice apartment, beautiful compared to Hamtramck, but just a three-room modern place, shared with another lonely girl who also went after one-night stands. Sure it was great to hold a star in your arms, but the next night he was gone.
She walked back to her building. She was positive that Robin Stone was in Amanda’s arms by now. She pushed this thought from her mind. No use making herself more miserable. There would be another night.
When Robin and Jerry left Ethel, they walked a few blocks in silence. They passed a bar and Robin said, “Let’s cut in here and grab one for the road.”
Jerry followed silently.
“Where do you put it?” he asked.
Instead of the usual silent grin, Robin stared at the glass seriously. “Christ, I went so long without drinking, I’ve got a lot of making up to do. I came from a health-oriented family. My father never touched it.”
Jerry laughed. “And I used to think you were a swinger at college.”
Robin stared at him as if seeing him for the first time. “Were you around Harvard at the same time?”
“Class before you,” Jerry said meekly. He was glad no one else was around. Everyone knew he and Robin had gone to school together and thought their friendship dated back to that time. That was one of the disturbing things about Robin. He always seemed attentive, but you never knew whether anything you said registered. Suddenly Jerry was angry at his own submissiveness. He turned to Robin with a rare show of spirit. “Where in hell did you think we met?”
Robin rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I never thought about it, Jerr. I meet so many people. Seems I just looked up one day at the Lancer Bar and there you were.” Robin signaled for the check. They walked out in silence. Jerry walked Robin to the large apartment house on the river. It suddenly occurred to him he had never been to Robin’s apartment. Either he walked him home, or they met at a bar.
When Robin casually said, “Come on up for a nightcap,” Jerry felt embarrassed. It was as if those clear blue eyes had read his thoughts.
“It’s pretty late,” he mumbled.
Robin’s smile was almost a sneer. “Wife waiting to give you hell?”
“No. It’s just that I have a long drive ahead, and I have an early appointment in the morning.”
“Suit yourself,” Robin said.
“All right. One fast beer,” Jerry conceded. He followed Robininto the elevator. He would put in a good word for Amanda, he told himself.
It was an attractive apartment. Surprisingly neat and well furnished.
“A girl I knew—before Amanda,” Robin said, as he waved his hand around the room.
“Why did you treat Amanda so badly tonight? She loves you. Don’t you feel anything for her?”
“No.”
Jerry stared. “Tell me, Robin—do you ever feel anything ? Have any emotions?”
“Maybe I feel a lot of things, but I’m not able to show it.” Robin smiled. “I guess life would be a lot easier for me if I could. I’m like an Indian. If I get sick, I just turn and face the wall and stay there until I get better.”
Jerry stood up. “Robin, you don’t need anyone. But for what it’s worth, I’m your friend. I don’t know why, but I