Free Dancing Naked by Shelley Hrdlitschka Page A

a party?”
    “Apparently. But don’t feel bad,” Shawna said. “Lauren said he only invited people who were into weed.”
    “Lauren’s smoking it now too?”
    “Yeah. She’ll do anything to get Mitch to like her.”
    “Huh.”
    “So, how are you going to kill him?” Shawna asked, eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you ask him his preference? Slow and painful or ...?”
    Kia shook her head. She couldn’t see any humor in it. “Why is he saying that stuff? And what does that make him?”
    Shawna fluffed up her pillow and pulled the covers up to her chin. “He’s a jerk. Everyone knows that. Don’t worry about it. No one will believe him.”
    But Kia knew that wasn’t true. Derek had the kind of charm that was powerful, almost hypnotic, and she knew she wasn’t the only one who was a sucker for it.
    Shawna snooped in the drawer of Kia’s night table while she waited for Kia to change into pajamas. She spotted the new journal and picked it up.
    “Have you written in this yet?”
    Kia nodded numbly.
    “Any great words of wisdom?” Shawna didn’t open it, but waited expectantly.
    Suddenly Kia knew exactly how to break the news to Shawna. “Listen, Shawn, I think if you read what’s in there ...” she glanced at the journal, “then you’ll understand why I’ve seemed spaced out.”
    Shawna tilted her head. “Are you sure? I don’t have to.”
    “Yeah, go ahead, read it,” Kia said, walking toward the door. “I’ll go make us some hot chocolate. I’ll be back in a minute.”
    When Kia came back into the room carrying two mugs a few minutes later, she found Shawna sitting up, the journal closed in her lap, her face long and pale. She climbed off the bed, crossed the room and hugged Kia, who had to struggle to keep from spilling the hot chocolate down her back.
    “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Shawna asked.
    “Because I didn’t want you to say I told you so,” Kia answered, handing Shawna a steaming mug.
    “And did I say that?” Shawna asked, looking hurt.
    “No, I’m only kidding,” Kia said, realizing too late the sting in her words.
    They sat for a moment, Shawna on the bed, Kia in a chair, staring at each other. Finally, Shawna broke the painful silence. “A swarm of bees?”
    Kia nodded, then grinned. “Killer bees.”
    Shawna smiled, setting free a tear. She wiped it away, set her mug on the dresser, then pulled the quilt back for Kia. “Come on, girl. I want to hear everything.”

week 13/40
    ~ fingernails are fully formed
~ baby has reflexes
~ all 20 teeth are formed
    Feb. 17
    Words.
    My parents use words for everything. Talk everything to death. Everything is debated or discussed. They show their feelings through words.
    School is about words.
    Even Youth Group is about words. I feel blah blah blah. You feel blah blah blah.
    Borrring.
    Derek was not about words. He was about something else. Energy, desire, heat. I discovered something in me, something instinctual. Something powerful. Something beyond words.
    But maybe a few words would have helped. Clarified things. Made me realize we weren’t in the relationship for the same thing. Maybe we weren’t even in a ‘relationship.’
    Derek doused my fire, quickly, unexpectedly.
    God, how I miss it.

    From:         Kia < [email protected] >
To:              Justin < [email protected] >
Date:           Feb. 18
Subject:      heavy sigh
hi justin, 2 down, one to go. shawna and angie know. derek doesn’t, and I’m in no hurry to tell him. shawna was cool, angie was ... i dunno. real quiet. i’m not sure what she was thinking. all she really said was “who’s the dad going to be?” i told her there wasn’t one, and she just looked at me kinda funny. i really feel like i’ve let her down, more than anyone else. i’ve been like her role model, u know? and the harassment she’s gonna get from her friends will be brutal. i wonder if mom & dad have told their friends. i don’t have the