Free Hidden in the Heart by Catherine West Page A

pregnancy.
    The doctor gave her a prescription then, to help her rest. Each day got harder and eventually she found it easier to stay in bed. One drink led to another, blocked out the pain of a loss she couldn’t begin to comprehend.
    Claire took a deep breath and secured the locks around her heart. “I know you mean well, but you can’t help me, Mel. Nobody can help me.”
    “I wish I could.” Melanie’s eyes sparkled too brightly, her cheeks getting red.
    “I know you do. But you don’t know how this feels.” Claire stared at her feet and wondered how to explain something she didn’t understand. “I don’t want to do anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone. This…ache…my chest feels tight all the time. I just want to curl up in bed and cry. Every day. Sometimes I think…” She stopped, waited, listened to the dogs pacing up and down the hall. She wouldn’t go that far. Melanie would make James have her committed for sure.
    “Claire?” Melanie’s voice was gentle, no hint of judgment. “You’ll get through this.”
    She raised her head and put on a smile. “Of course I will.” Or die trying.
    Claire watched the grandfather clock on the far side of the room. “I’ll try again, Mel. Okay? It’s just…nice to not feel anything, you know?”
    Melanie narrowed her eyes. “If you block out the pain, you’ll never accept it, never be able to deal with it. If you continue on the way you’re going…I don’t want to think about what might happen. I don’t want to lose you, Claire.”
    “Who are you, Dr. Laura now?” Claire laughed but deep down she knew Mel was right. Just one pill too many or another day thinking she was sober enough to drive. Fear crept over her, teasing, taunting, and whispering incomprehensible thoughts into her ear. “I’m going to find her, Mel. I have to.”
    Sudden understanding flooded Melanie’s face. “I wish you’d stop blaming yourself. Ifyou think finding your medical history will somehow explain…”
    “And what if it did?” Claire leaned forward. “You don’t understand. I have to know! I have to know that I’m not responsible…or I am. And aside from that, I…I’m curious. I won’t lie.”
    “Has it really bothered you, not knowing where you came from?” Melanie grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and handed the bag to Claire.
    Claire took one, the smell too impossible to resist. She wasn’t sure she could stomach it, but wouldn’t risk Mel shoving it down her throat. “I guess if I’m honest, yes, it has bothered me. Each time I’d look in the mirror, I’d wonder. My parents and I look so different.” Laughter crept out of her, unbidden. “Remember when I tried to dye my hair the same color as my mom’s? She just about had a fit laughing when she tried to explain that hers came out of a bottle too.”
    Melanie smiled. “You’ve never really been able to talk to your dad about your adoption.”
    Claire shrugged and nibbled on the cookie. So far so good. She took another bite and that stayed down too. “I’ll have to. He’s the only way I’ll get answers now. If I petition the court to get them to release my information, he’ll find out anyway.”
    “He’s not going to like it.”
    “I know. But what choice do I have?”
    Melanie rubbed her nose with the tip of her finger, her freckles blending together in a frown. “Do you really want to do it, Claire? You don’t know what you might be walking into. You don’t know who they are, why they gave you up. It may not be a pretty story.”
    Claire sat back, her throat tight. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I know what you’re going to say. Dr. Kay said the same thing. Finding them won’t fix things. But I…” Claire paused, waiting for Melanie to interrupt. She raised an eyebrow. “You’re not stopping me.Don’t you want to try to talk me out of it?”
    Melanie shook her head. “Claire, you’re one of the smartest women I know. I don’t think you really believe that finding