Free The Loner by Josephine Cox

back to Grandad.’ His voice fell. ‘Did you know he told me to get out and never come back.’
    Judy assured him, ‘Your grandad is sorry that he threw you out. He wants to make amends.’
    Davie was relieved at that. ‘I’m glad,’ he answered, ‘but I can’t go back yet, may be never. What he did – well, it made me think.’
    ‘What do you mean?’
    ‘What I mean is, it made me realise how hard it must have been for him since we moved back in. All this time he’s had more than enough to deal with, and he’s been good to all of us, but now he deserves time to himself.’ The boy felt somehow responsible, because of what his mother had done to the family. ‘It’s best if I were to get away from these parts altogether. Make a life for myself somewhere else.’
    Yet, even now he wasn’t sure if he could make it happen, or even if he was doing the right thing.
    Sensing the doubt in his voice, Judy hoped she might change his mind. ‘Your grandad was upset, Davie. The police had been and everything.’
    Davie hung his head. ‘So, you know what happened to my mam?’
    ‘Yes, Davie, I know.’ He was holding her two hands in his, and the warm, deep down pleasure was like nothing she had ever known.
    ‘Did you know she came home drunk, there was a terrible row and my dad walked out?’ The memory of it all was like a knife in his heart.
    Judy nodded, ‘He told us everything.’
    Davie was silent for a minute. Letting go of her hands, he walked to where the horse was peering at them. He nuzzled his face against the animal’s head, then, turning to Judy, he asked, ‘Was Grandad told about what happened in the woods…with my mam?’
    ‘Yes, Davie, he was told.’
    ‘And is he all right, I mean…do you think I should go back?’
    ‘That’s up to you, Davie. You have to do what you think is right.’
    He gave it a moment’s thought, ‘How is he?’
    ‘He was in a poor state when we got there, but after a while, he seemed to be taking it well enough, I think. The neighbours had been in, and the woman next door is going to look in every now and then.’
    ‘Is she…safe…my mam?’ A great sadness welled up in him.
    ‘Yes.’ The girl tried to recall what her father had said. ‘Daddy took her to the Infirmary, and they looked after her.’
    Davie nodded his head. ‘And Grandad?’ Almost unconsciously he dropped himself onto a haybale. ‘Will he be all right, do you think?’
    Judy sat herself beside him, and slipping her hand into his, she told him honestly, ‘He wants you home, Davie. He’s really worried about you.’
    When Davie remained silent, so did Judy. She didn’t know what else to say, and she didn’t know how to ease his pain. ‘I’m sure he’ll be all right, Davie. Like you say, he’s been through a lot, and may be you’re right. May be he does need some time to himself.’ Another thought reluctantly crossed her mind. ‘May be you do too?’
    ‘Right from when I was little, I thought my parents would split up one day.’ He kept his gaze down, so she wouldn’t see the tears clouding his eyes. ‘When Mam came home drunk in the early hours and Dad was waiting for her, they’d argue and he would always threaten to leave, but she always won him round in the end.’ He gave a painful little smile. ‘But not this time, eh?’
    For a long moment he was silent, thinking about the past, wondering where his parents were at that moment; one gone away because he found it impossible to stay any longer, and the other gone to…? When he was small and somebody died, they always told him that the person had gone to Heaven. Is that where she was…in Heaven? But she’d been bad, and they said nobody went to Heaven if they were bad…
    ‘Davie?’ Judy’s voice broke through his thoughts. ‘Davie, look at me.’
    Raising his gaze, he looked at her.
    ‘Your mammy’s safe now. You do believe that…don’t you?’
    He nodded, bowed his head and thought about his mother, how pretty she