Free Sure Thing by Ashe Barker Page B

why I was so keen not to be brought to the attention of the police, but not about my suspended sentence. That hadn’t been relevant in Tom’s actions. Neither had baby David or my mother’s death so I skipped those parts too. What I did make clear was my reformed character status, that I was desperately sorry about what I’d done, and that I’d now moved on. Sort of. Was trying to.
    When I finish I glance up at Abbie, looking for her reaction. She’s watching me silently, assessing, a slight frown now on her face. Her hand has dropped to cover her slightly round abdomen and she’s circling protectively, and I recall I used to do that too, before David was born. Died. Is it an instinctive maternal reaction, I wonder, when faced with something dangerous, a threat? Saddened, sickened at myself, I start to gather my things ready to leave.
    “Ashley, wait.” Abbie reaches for me again, catches my elbow. “Please, sit down. Don’t go.”
    I sit back down but find it hard to meet her eyes. Eventually, though, it’s Abbie who breaks the silence. “That’s quite some tale. You must have both been shell-shocked that day.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Shit, what a bloody coincidence…”
    Yeah, shit just about sums it up, I’d say.
    She goes on. “You know, for what it’s worth, and whatever the rights and wrongs back then, and I have to say it does sound pretty awful, the mugging, Tom being beaten up and all that, somehow, it sounds as though Tom’s forgiven you.” She grins wryly. “Maybe the spanking got it out of his system. You did say strip chess, didn’t you? Ice lollies? Nipple clamps? And mind-blowing sex?”
    I nod dumbly, and she continues, “Well, Tom was out of line that day. You’ve every right to be upset, worried. If you do agree to bottom for him you’ll need to know you’ll have more control in future. Is that it? Yes?”
    I’m nodding, that is it, exactly.
    She goes on. “Well, if Tom can forgive what you did in Bristol, maybe you could forgive him for that first day in your cottage? Or at least talk to him about it, explain how what he did to you that day makes you feel now, how it’s affected you, how it’s still affecting you. He shouldn’t have done it, you know that and I know that. And I know he knows it too. But in the heat of the moment? Maybe…?”
    I chew my lip, thinking it through. Yes, it was a heated moment. And yes, we were both shocked, acting out of character. And at several points in our encounter I’d fully expected a far more violent outcome. And…
    “I had an orgasm.”
    “What?”
    “An orgasm. He made me come. Right after he spanked me.”
    “Ah…”
    “And then he put me to bed. Just carried me upstairs and left me there. He could have, could have…” I falter, contemplating what else Tom could have definitely done to me that afternoon if he’d been so inclined.
    Abbie reaches for my hand again, this time gripping it firmly, tugging on it until I meet her gaze again. “That doesn’t sound like a man being angry and a woman being scared. That sounds like something else entirely to me. I can tell it’s complicated, though, confusing. You need to talk to him, Ashley. You need to sort it out in your head first, then talk. Tell him how you need it to be between you in the future. With us, we submissives, it’s about handing over control. We do it willingly, because we want to. And because we know we can always get it back. That’s what was missing that other time, you hadn’t given over control willingly and you had no safe word, no way of getting it back. That’s why it was so frightening, and that’s what you need to talk to Tom about. Will you do that?”
    “Yes. Yes, I will.” My response was whispered, but it’s enough. I know now what I need to do, what I need to say and hear. What I can do to move on. I thank Abbie, sincerely thank her for her honesty and concern—and for her sound good sense. And I explain I need to leave. I