Free Sure Thing by Ashe Barker

burn’ , to know I’m pushing myself, achieving more, better, bigger, faster, harder. And that’s what submission with Tom, for Tom, would be about for me. What it would offer me. It would be another set of goals to achieve, limits to exceed, targets to beat. Throw in the best sex I can ever imagine, and a lot that’s well beyond anything I could dream of—yet—and the heady cocktail is irresistible. And all this with a man I already know I love. Hell, bring it on. My lower abdomen clenches in anticipation. Christ!
    In my flash of lucid honesty and self-awareness I can recognize that up to a point my relationship with Kenny was something to do with this character flaw in me. If indeed it is a flaw—I’m really not certain. It could be my finest quality if things turn out well with Tom…
    Kenny was a bully and a thug. There was never a time, looking back, that he treated me well. He was always violent, selfish, mean, greedy. And I gave him what he wanted, accepted what he dished out. I left my safe, secure home and followed him to Bristol. I was unhappy, but I went back for more every time. The violence escalated, his meanness, his callous treatment of me built and grew, took root. Most of the time it was all our relationship consisted of. And I accepted it, invited it even. Until that last time, when he killed David. When I—God forgive me—let him kill David. That brought me to my senses, and I dropped Kenny and that crazy, self-destructive lifestyle as abruptly and as totally as I had earlier turned my back on swimming.
    And now, for some reason, I’m about to re-enter that world of pain, with Tom. This time, though, it’s different. I’ve heard what Abbie told me about control, I’ve taken it on board. I know now much more about the power of the submissive to manage events, negotiate, to set the parameters. And I’ve come to know Tom. He’s safe. He’ll hurt my body—I’ll definitely feel the burn, but he’ll care for me. With Tom I’ll also know the tenderness, the sincerity. There’s a connection between us, he understands me. And I’m starting to understand him, his world. I want to join him in it. I do want to, I want it for me. I know I can get beyond my pain threshold, I’ve done that before.
    But there’s still something not right here, something holding me back…
    Abbie takes another bite of pizza, chews thoughtfully. “What else have you and Tom done so far?”
    “Not much, not really. There were nipple clamps one time, a vibrator. That was nice. And we played strip chess.” I smile at her sheepishly. Her tales seem so much more exciting than mine. So far.
    She cocks her head, smiles. “Strip chess—sounds like fun. What else?”
    “Nothing. That’s it, really.”
    “Ashley, what else? I know there’s more, something you’re worried about. Something else happened, didn’t it?”
    She must know about the spanking. A thought strikes me. “Did Nathan tell you?”
    “Nathan? No. Why? What’s he got to do with it?”
    “Did he tell you about what Tom did? The first time? I know he didn’t approve. And I know you talked to him about me.”
    “We didn’t talk. I texted Nathan to ask for a description so I could recognize you at the station. He texted back that you were a stunner, long black hair, slim. Something along those lines. Here, let me just…” She digs in her jacket pocket and pulls out her iPhone, taps the keys. “Here. This is what he said.” She pushes the phone at me.
    Hi N, had a call frm ur frnd, Ashley. Mtng in York tomoz. What she look like. Or do I nd 2 wear a red carnation?
    Hi Abs, thnx 4 this. Carnation not needed. Small, slim, very long blck hair. A stunner!
    Wow, An improvement on ‘sex on a stick’ and ‘an arse to die for’ I suppose. Who’d have thought it?
    “So, what is it that Nathan didn’t tell me? What didn’t he approve of?”
    I wait, wondering. Can I? Should I? Especially with what she just said about a Dom needing to protect his