Free Wrong Girl by Lauren Crossley

I’d spoken to him earlier on during the day when we were
both at college and told him that I really had to talk to him. I could tell he
was curious and eventually agreed to meet up with me later. He told me to stop
by his house on my way home from college and we would talk then. I already knew
his parents worked late and we would have the privacy to discuss things without
being interrupted or overheard. The atmosphere between us had been extremely
awkward until I eventually broke down in tears and confessed everything to him.
    “Sorry?
You’re sorry?” He exclaimed incredulously, raking his fingers through his hair
in frustration and anger. “That’s all you’ve got to say to me right now?”
    “I
know it’s not enough but I don’t know what else to tell you.” I murmured, angrily
wiping away my tears.
    “You
murdered my baby and you can’t think of anything else to say?” He yelled,
pacing back and forth in front of me like an enclosed animal.
    “It
wasn’t like that! You don’t know what I went through. I’ve been through hell
whilst you’ve been blissfully unaware! I’ve been torturing myself every second
of every day over this.” I cried indignantly, angered by the intensity of his
fury.
    I
couldn’t believe his ignorance and lack of empathy for me. There was no
compassion or understanding whatsoever from him.
    “I
didn’t fucking know! How could I feel anything or try to help you when I didn’t
even know you had my baby inside you? I can’t believe you made this decision
without consulting me. Did you not care about me or my opinion? Did you not think
it was wise to discuss it with me before you made such a life-changing choice?”
He roared and grabbed me by the shoulders, forcing me to my feet. He had turned
red in the face, his rage was so immense.
    “Paul,
please. You have to understand that I’m not myself right now. I don’t even know
who I am. I was not capable of being a parent. I couldn’t even face the
pregnancy, I was absolutely terrified and had to deal with it all by myself.”
    “What
drives me insane is the fact that you did it deliberately. What kind of woman
gets herself pregnant on purpose and then aborts it?” He sneered
contemptuously, looking me up and down in revulsion.
    “This
was a mistake, I should never have told you. I can’t do this right now. I have
to go.” I jumped up out of my seat and bolted for the door. I had to get away
from him before he wounded me with any more of his unforgiving words.
    “You’re
not going anywhere! You think you can just drop a bombshell like this on me and
expect to walk away?” He slammed the door shut before I even reached it,
keeping me confined inside his house with him.
    “I
can’t stay and talk to you when you’re like this. Please let me go.” I begged
him, my helpless tears cascading down my face.
    “I
can’t even look at you right now. You make me sick and I wish I didn’t know.
What you’ve done is beyond forgiveness. I hate you and I never want to see you again.
You’re going to have to live with this for the rest of your life and I’m glad
you’ll be carrying the weight of that guilt. You deserve it, you deserve
everything you get.”
    “Don’t
you think I know that? I know I’m going to persecute myself for the rest of my
life. I know I’m never going to forget, it’s going to be there every second of
every minute of every day.” I confessed, sobbing uncontrollably. I grabbed a
handful of his shirt in each hand, pleading with him for absolution and
forgiveness.
    “Good.
I hope it continues. Now get the fuck out of my house.” He barked, shoving me
backwards.
    I
fell over but scrambled to my feet, pushing past him so I could flee his house.
I was inconsolable when I left that day. Rachel wasn’t at home when I got back,
she was away for the weekend with a couple of girlfriends and I was left to
deal with my grief all by myself. My mum must have overheard my sobbing and
poked her head around my