Free Teaching Willow: Session One by Paige James Page B

disappears. 
    Ebon leans away, clearing his throat again.  He glances down at his watch.  “Well, I guess I’d better get going. I have to put in some office hours for my 404 class this morning.”
    “404?” I ask. I already know what it is, but at this point, I’d say almost anything, ask almost anything to delay his departure. 
    “Yes. Didn’t I tell you that I teach a post-grad literature class, too?”
    Yes, he did.  I remember everything he has ever told me.  But I play dumb instead. I’m getting really good at playing dumb.
    I wrinkle my brow.  “Maybe you did,” I reply noncommittally.
    He thins his lips and sighs, slapping his thighs with his palms as though he’s getting ready to leave, but he pauses.  He looks at me again. We’re both quiet, attentive.  His eyes search mine.  Then, as if something unpleasant sweeps into the moment, Ebon gives me a stiff smile.  “Enjoy the show and your bagel. I’ll see you in class.”
    And just like that, he’s the teacher and I’m the student again.  It comes between us, between the excitingly tense moments as well as these depressingly estranged ones, like a physical barrier.
    I get up and follow Ebon to the door.  He walks right through it, turning only to give me a polite smile and a nod before he descends the steps.  I watch him go. He’s my teacher. I’m his student.  This is what will always be between us. 
    Long after Ebon has driven away, I’m still standing in the open doorway.  I’m staring at the last spot I saw him before he disappeared, remembering the way he looks at me when I’m Sage, like there’s nothing between us but heat.  It’s in this moment, in this exact moment, that I know—as horrible of a person as it makes me and as unconscionable a thing as it is—that I will be Sage again. I know that I will seek him out again and again, and that I will be with him as often as he will have me. Why?  Because I love him and this is the only way that I can have him.
    So I will. 
    God help me for what I’m about to willingly, knowingly, purposely do, but I’m going to do it.  I’m going to pretend to be my sister so that I can date my teacher. Because he won’t have me any other way.
    My conscience screams at me as I close the door, but I ignore it. It’s surprisingly easy to drown out the smarter, kinder, more rational voice in the sea of my desperation.  She’s nothing more than the occasional gurgle by the time I sit down to make my plans. 
    The first order of business is to get on birth control.  I had an ablation a few years ago, which meant I couldn’t get pregnant.  Not for a long time anyway.  I’ve spotted a little the last couple of months, though, which means that anything could be possible at this point. 
    A sick feeling washes through my stomach.  I never expected to have sex with Ebon that first time. The second time either. I thought it was over.  And I knew when he asked me about birth control that he’d stop if I told him the truth, so—again—I lied.
    All these lies, weaving in and out and through my life, in an increasingly complicated web of deceit.
    At this point, all I can do is hope that nothing will come of those first two times, and make a plan to be better prepared going forward.  I can make the most out of my time with Ebon if I’m smart about it.  Right up until Sage comes back in two months’ time.
    And then, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. 
     
    To be continued…
     
     
    Session Two Coming April 8 th