Free Vinegar Hill by A. Manette Ansay Page B

the rest of your lives, Them two, they had to tie the knot .
    â€œI have to go to the bathroom,” Amy says and, wordlessly, James veers back toward town. They pull over at a family restaurant just south of Holly’s Field. The broad front windows are like a stage, and Ellen stares greedily into other people’s lives…the teenage couple sharing fries and pop…the group of women piling their coats cozily over a chair, arranging their purses and shopping bags around themselves in a way that makes her think of robins building nests…the old man stirring his coffee, licking a finger, a flick of gray tongue…
    She fights a sudden, horrible urge to run.
    â€œYou coming in?” she says to James, but he doesn’t answer. His face is swollen and homely, and she knows that, once again, anything she says will be wrong. “We’ll just be a minute,” she says, and then she takes the kids inside. The smell of frying burgers hits her stomach like a fist.
    â€œI’m hungry,” Herbert says.
    She leads him and Amy through the restaurant to the back where the rest rooms are. She thinks about the goose she has cooking in the oven, ready to come out in half an hour, the dressing, the twice-baked potatoes waiting in the fridge, the Kuchen . “I don’t have any money,” she says. “Besides, you’ll spoil your dinner.”
    â€œDaddy has money.”
    â€œDaddy feels really bad right now. It’s probably best not to bother him or ask him for anything because that will make him feelworse. The way we can make him feel better is to just stay very quiet.”
    Bert’s hair is still knotted with ribbon. She twists it free, then puts him in a stall to pee. Amy takes the stall farthest away from them. The rest room smells of toilet cleaner and strong musk perfume.
    â€œHe’s going to leave us here,” Amy says. Ellen can see her small feet swinging.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œHe won’t be there when we go back out.” She speaks slowly and clearly, as if she were speaking to a very small child.
    â€œOf course he will!” Ellen says. She takes Herbert to the sink, washes her hands, helps him reach the faucet. She hadn’t thought of that: James leaving them here, traveling on, anywhere, far away. What she had wanted to do a moment earlier. But didn’t. Herbert lets his hands drift dreamily under the water. “Hurry,” she tells him. “Let’s not keep Daddy waiting.”
    â€œHe won’t be there,” Amy says again, smugly. She comes out of her stall and sticks her hands defiantly in her pockets.
    â€œStop it!” Ellen says, hating her. “You’re being silly. Now wash your hands.”
    Amy moves her hands through the water slowly, extra slowly, as Ellen’s stomach falls and falls inside her. When they get back outside, the car is where they left it, idling hard, exhaust curling through the air.
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    It is dark when they turn back onto Vinegar Hill. Herbert is sleeping; Amy shakes him awake as they pull into the driveway. The snow is heavier now, wet, crunching an inch deep beneath the wheels. The house is dark. Ellen starts to get out of the car, but James doesn’t move. The engine idles uncertainly.
    â€œAren’t you coming in?” she says.
    â€œI’m going out for a bit.”
    â€œI don’t want to go in there alone.”
    James stares straight ahead. Amy opens her door and gets out. Herbert gets out too. Finally, Ellen gets out.
    â€œSo you’ll be back for Mass?” she says through the open door.
    â€œYes, dammit,” he says. “Yes, I’ll be back.”
    â€œWhere are you going?” she says, but he pulls away, tires squalling on the ice. “Wait,” she shouts, “I don’t have the key!” and she chases him out into the street. He tosses it past her without looking, drives away. She picks it up; it’s hooked to a key chain in the