didn’t really have any passion.”
“Passion, huh? So he was bad in bed?”
“I don't know. I never slept with him.”
Dawson’s eyes get huge. “Really? And he stayed with you that long?”
“The no sex was what he wanted, not what I wanted. I broke up with him the day after he was named prom king. Then the Keats guy and I finally kissed. He asked me to spend the weekend camping and surfing and I hoped, you know, I'd get to sleep with him. It would have been my first time. He was my dream guy.”
“So, did you?”
“No. He left early without me and then sent me this message that made me think he was hooking up with other girls there.”
He takes a drink of his soda and shakes his head. “That must've hurt.”
“It did.” I sigh. “Then there was this other guy. Riley reminds me of him. The guy that’s with a different girl at every party.”
“Tell me you didn't sleep with him.”
“Oh, I did. He said he was in love with me. I was upset at the Keats guy at the time. But I was also just tired of waiting. And he was sexy, funny, and hot. And so I did. We went out. He was very sweet to me.”
“You sound like you loved him.”
“I wanted to, but I think I was trying to convince myself I wasn’t in love with the Keats guy.”
“So, then what happened?”
I close my eyes. See Cush’s sexy face. How he looked at my party when I said I love you . The boots he gave me. Then I hear Vincent’s voice.
I open my eyes quickly because they start to tear up.
“Um, I, um. I don’t . . .”
Dawson grabs my hand again. “You don't have to tell me. It’s written all over your face. He cheated on you, right?”
“Do you have girls here that will do anything to be popular? Is popularity a big deal here? I mean, it's obvious you're part of the It group.”
He thinks about it. “You mean girls who think if they hook up with me that I'll ask them to sit with us at lunch and invite them to our parties?”
“Yeah.”
“Sure there are.”
“I was leaving to go on vacation. He had the house we all partied at. We had a tight group. We all sat together at lunch like you do, but the parties were a lot bigger.”
“You didn't have to party in a dorm room.”
“True. So, a girl like that put Valium in his beer and when I stopped by to give him a kiss I walked in on . . .” I shake my head. I can’t even say it.
He runs his thumb across the top of my hand. “It’s okay. I get it.”
“I found out that the Keats guy wasn't hooking up. He apologized for ditching me and that’s who I was with all summer.”
“You loved him?”
“Yeah, I was crazy about him. All summer he told me loved me. Told me we'd be together forever. Then at the end of summer, he told me he was leaving me for a year to travel the world. Like, he told me and then was leaving a few days later. That’s why I'm done with love.”
“I don’t think you should be done with love. You just need a guy that’s not a dick.”
“If only boys came with warning labels. Like, yours would be: Do not kiss when drunk. Riley’s would be: I’m going to sleep with you and your best friend too.”
He laughs lightly with me, but mostly he’s looking at me with his adorable face. And I just figured out why he seems sweeter than Riley. It’s his eyes. They are so expressive. It’s like all his emotions are mirrored in them. Last night they looked hurt. Jealous. Today they have ranged from naughty to thoughtful.
“You haven't hardly eaten any pizza.” He holds a piece up to my mouth, so I take a bite of it.
“You’re being awful sweet to me.”
“I think that saying misery loves company is true. You're hurting as much as I am. Probably more.”
“I guess at least I don't have to see them every day like you do.”
He nods. “Is that why you came here? To run away?”
How should I say this? What did I tell Riley when I was crying and blathering on? “No. My mom and stepdad announced