Free Toxic by Rachael Orman Page A

hadn’t done it in months, almost a year, so it felt like a kick to the gut to have it brought up now.
    Never had I thought being part of the BDSM scene as life-threatening or job-affecting. Then again, it didn’t matter what I thought, did it? The job I loved, the job I’d worked so hard at, was gone.
    Sometime later, I found myself sitting on a bench in a park. I didn’t know where I was. It didn’t matter. I didn’t care. While I knew I should at least call John, I didn’t. He wouldn’t understand. His job was secure. He didn’t have to worry about how he was going to pay bills or buy food. I knew he’d take care of me, but that wasn’t the woman I was. I needed to take care of myself. Could I let someone else have that much control of me? I’d rely upon him. I’d be stuck if I ever decided I didn’t want to be there. There’d be no way for me to leave, no way for me to get my feet back under me now.
    I couldn’t find a job in the only field I’d worked in during my adult life. Not that I wanted to leave him, but there was always that nagging “what if” in the back of my mind. It wasn’t just me that I had to think about either. What if he changed his mind about me ? Then where would I be?
    The world was crashing down around me and I couldn’t seem to pull two solid, positive things together.
    A warm body sat next to me on the bench, but I ignored it until the person slid an arm around my shoulders to give me a side hug.
    Looking up, I saw a face I never wanted to have that close to me. Ever. I jumped off the bench and looked down at Mariah.
    “What are you doing here?” I asked as tears still streamed down my face.
    “I was just trying to comfort you. You looked like you were having a bad day,” she said, holding up her hands innocently.  “I was trying to be nice.”
    “Whatever. I don’t believe you. All you’ve ever tried to do is take John away from me.” I scowled at her as my tears dried up.
    She let out a long sigh and ran a hand through her hair.
    “Okay. That wasn’t exactly the most brilliant thing I’ve ever done. I’m not here for John. I went and got some help after all that mess. I’ve left you both alone since then, haven’t I? I was dealing with a lot back then and I’m a different person now. Honest.” She lowered both her hands to her lap and gave me what seemed to be a genuine smile. “I’m very sorry about all that stuff. Really. It’s embarrassing that I lost it so badly and you both had to deal with the fall-out. I was actually coming to talk to you, to apologize, when I saw you run out of the hotel. I followed to make sure you were okay.”
    I stared at her for a long moment before huffing and sitting down. I didn’t fully believe her, not after all her crazy antics before.
    She continued to spout apologies and regrets about everything she’d done, but I only half-listened until she stood and placed a hand on my shoulder.
    “Look, I understand if you never want to see me again, but I’d really like for us to at least be able to be friends at some point. John is a great guy and he deserves someone who can make him happy. I know it won’t be me and I’ve come to terms with that. I’m actually dating this really sweet man right now. It’s long-distance, but it’s gone really well the last few months.” She removed her hand and stepped back. “Please, if you ever want to talk, about anything, call me.”
    She set down a sheet of paper with her phone number on the bench next to me and walked away.
    I watched her go in surprise. She seemed very different than the psychotic woman she had been the last time I’d seen her. I still didn’t trust her, but tucked the number into my purse anyway.
    Talking to Mariah, or rather, listening to her, had helped me calm down and I pulled my phone out. I had a dozen missed calls. Most were from numbers I didn’t recognize, meaning they were likely from my new stalkers — I mean, church members. There were two from