Free Mr. Darcy Goes Overboard by Belinda Roberts

us give someone else a go,' and handed the megaphone to one of the organisers. Mary was disconcerted, but cries and hoots of laughter from the crowd diverted her attention. At the far corner of the garden there was a commotion. 'They're coming! They're coming! Make way! Make way!'
    The crowds, wolf whistling and shouting encouragement, were parting and moving into the centre to make a track round the edge of the gardens. And round the track were two girls in full flight, screaming, laughing, waving their hands in the air... and totally naked.
    Streakers!
    Lizzy stood horrified as the identity of the streakers became apparent. Lydia and Kitty! How could they? As her naked sisters raced past, a whirl of giggling, bouncing femininity, she caught sight of Darcy, who had been transfixed by the spectacle in amazement and disbelief. If her family had planned to expose themselves as much as they could that morning, they could not have played their parts with more spirit.

Chapter 19
    The following day, Mr Collins awoke feeling oysterous. He had been tortured by amorous dreams all night, his passions fuelled by a generous helping of 'oysters au naturel' whilst dining the previous evening, and the effect, even by breakfast time, was still undeniably strong. Putting mind over matter, he considered what Lady Catherine would wish him to do in such a situation and came to the firm belief that she would deem it time for him to make a move in the romantic direction. He was anxious for action but unsure how to proceed. Fortunately the Bennet girls' plan for the day would prove to give him the opportunity he so urgently desired. It transpired that they were taking part in the Parachuting Teddies competition from the top of Salcombe church. As fortune would have it, Mr Collins had brought his teddy, Malcolm, from whom he had been inseparable from a young age, with him to Salcombe; and so, with some misgivings about throwing the said beloved Malcolm from the top of the church tower, attached only to a spotted handkerchief, he felt this was too good an opportunity to miss and volunteered to take part and accompany the girls.
    The weather was bright and breezy. Lasers, toppers, and a host of other gaily coloured sailing dinghies scudded about the choppy estuary waters, one or two capsizing as they were caught by mischievous gusts. The sound of loose rigging clanking against masts echoed across the bay, and seagulls seemed to squawk louder than normal in their frenetic swooping and diving to feast on dropped croissant crumbs and ice cream cones. The Bennet girls, Mrs Bennet, and Mr Collins set off in the opposite direction from the sea, up the steep hill of Church Street, to join the small crowd of people and teddies that were assembling before the church porch of Holy Trinity, Salcombe.
    Elizabeth became uncomfortably aware that Mr Collins was angling to get close to her at every opportunity. He even seemed to make a pretence that his Malcolm wanted to snuggle up to her teddy, Bertie, which quite horrified her. Bertie had been her dear companion since earliest childhood and was not to be treated in such a fashion.
    The vicar, looking himself like a boat at sea, his white gown flapping relentlessly about his tall, mastlike body, handed out tickets to all teddies and invited owners to make their way in groups up to the top of the tower, where their beloved bears, attached to a handkerchief, would be flung out.
    'I will time their descent myself,' he added and, from deep within his white-sail outfit, produced a large stopwatch. 'The blessed bear who manages to stay aloft for the longest will be the winner. Off you go, and may the Lord be with you and with your teddies!'
    The Bennets and Mr Collins were enough to make up Group F, and when the time came, set off up the winding stairs. The girls scampered ahead, but Mr Collins found his legs would go only at a snail's pace, and he was forced to stop on several occasions for a breather. By the time he