Free The Marriage Mender by Linda Green

she’d really loved me but she’d had to go away.’
    I nodded and squeezed his shoulder.
    ‘When I got a bit older, and started to get angry about it all, I put the box away inside another one in the back of the wardrobe. I guess that’s why you’ve never seen it. I only just remembered it and got it out. I can’t believe how similar she looks. She’s hardly changed at all, has she?’
    I shook my head.
    He opened another wallet underneath. There was a photo of baby Josh sitting on Barbara’s knee with Lydia sitting next to them. Barbara was beaming down at him. Lydia holding one outstretched hand.
    ‘It’s weird, isn’t it?’ said Josh. ‘I hadn’t even thought about her knowing Grandma. Stupid, really, cos the only people she didn’t know are you and Tilda. And look, this one was taken in the garden, see how small the apple tree is.’
    I nodded and swallowed hard. Lydia in our house, in our garden, with our family. Long before I knew any of them. Her imprint was here. I had always felt it but had tried so hard to ignore it. She had cast a shadow over this house when she’d left. But for Josh, at least, her reappearance had been like someone throwing open the shutters to let the light in.
    I squeezed his shoulder again. ‘It means a lot to you, doesn’t it? To have her back, I mean.’
    Josh nodded. ‘It was like, for years, I hated her but I realise now I didn’t really hate her, I just hated that she wasn’t around. Hated that I didn’t have a mum when other kids did.’ He looked up sharply. ‘Sorry,’ he said.
    ‘No. I understand. I’m not your mum. I’ve never pretended to be. I just love you like a son, that’s all.’
    He smiled across at me. ‘Some kids at school think you are my mum,’ he said. ‘The kids who I only met at high school, who didn’t know me before you were around. I’ve never bothered to tell them.’
    ‘You don’t mind them thinking your mum is some uncool woman with a nice line in cardigans and Ugg boots, then?’
    Josh dug me in the ribs with his elbow. ‘You’re not that bad.’
    ‘I’ll take that as a compliment.’
    ‘It’s weird, really. I mean, she’s my mum and yet she doesn’t know me at all, not really, not all the little things about me. And you’re not my mum but you know me miles better than her. I couldn’t talk to her like I can to you.’
    ‘No, but you can talk to her about other things – music, and stuff I know nothing about.’
    ‘Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.’
    A floorboard creaked on the landing.
    I looked up to see Chris standing there. He looked at me, at Josh and at the box.
    Then he turned and walked away without saying anything.

I took her to see
Fatal Attraction
and she leant over in the cinema, put her hand on my crotch and whispered into my ear, ‘I boil bunnies, you know.’
    End of.

6
    ‘But why can’t we all go together?’ asked Matilda at breakfast.
    I opened my mouth to say something but Chris shook his head slightly at me, indicating that he was going to take the question.
    ‘We didn’t all go together last year, or the year before that. Josh went with Tom, if you remember.’
    ‘Yes, but that’s different,’ said Matilda. ‘That was because you said he was old enough to go with his friends. He isn’t going with his friends this time, he’s going with his mum, and that’s family so we should all go together.’
    I had to admit that for an eight-year-old, her logic was pretty impressive. Unfortunately, on this particular point, it was not appreciated. Josh came into the kitchen before either of us had had a chance to formulate an answer.
    He looked at Matilda’s expectant face and both of us. ‘What’s up?’ he asked.
    ‘Nothing,’ Chris said.
    ‘Yes, it is,’ said Matilda. ‘I want to know why we can’t all go to the fireworks as a family. I don’t see why you have to go with your mum and me with my mum and we can’t all go together like we should.’
    Matilda’s evident fury took me back a