Free Of Darkness and Crowns by Trisha Wolfe Page B

you love Willa. But if you ever question my love for her again, we’re not sisters.”
    Something inside me snaps, and my fury for Lena gives way to Lilly’s heartache. I hesitantly fold my arms around her shoulders, and she allows me to bring her into an embrace. “I’m sorry, Lills…I didn’t mean—it just came out.” I comb her red locks with my fingers, feeling her body shiver. “I know you love Willa still. And I swear I didn’t mean that slip.”
    “I know,” she says, sucking in a sob. “I understand, Kal. But you have to put this behind you. Lena did not kill Willa.”
    “She killed Van, Lilly. One of ours.”
    Lilly pulls her head back to look at me, and her face crumples. “She had no choice. I cared for Van, too. But it’s not the same, and you know it.”
    Breathing deeply, centering my thoughts, I say, “I get that…but you’re still distraught. Lena has no right to take advantage of you this way. I can’t let her—”
    She backs out of my hold, her brows press together. “She’s not .” She shakes her head, further separating us. “Do you really think so lowly of me? That I’m so naive?”
    Again, I’m struggling to find the right words. She’s displaying every emotion—shifting from hot to cold, one extreme to the other. And I’d just been so relieved, wondering what or who had changed her for the better. But now I’m not so sure her happy, carefree moments are for the better if Lena’s the one behind them. Lilly hasn’t had time to fully grieve Willa’s loss. Which only amplifies my anger toward Lena all the more.
    “I can’t make you see this clearly from my perspective.” I step away from her, deciding, regretfully, that I don’t have time to delve into this matter to the extent that’s needed.
    “You think you’re the only one who comprehends love, now? That you’re suddenly the expert?” Lilly swipes a tear from her face. “Everyone is tiptoeing around you since Caben. And I am sorry, Kal. I know that it was hard for you. Not just losing him like you did, but giving yourself over to a man at all—after what happened to you.” Her gaze shifts away from mine for a second. “But Lena has been here for me…and we’re…happy. She understands me. I care for her.”
    I feel my resentment for my father bubbling up, and resentment toward Lilly for calling me out on it. Then suddenly her words hit me like a blow. I haven’t been there for her. I’ve been so consumed with finding Caben, with the war—it’s my fault. I pushed her right into Lena’s arms.
    “This”—I wave my hand toward her and then motion to where Lena just left—“has nothing to do with me and my issues. Don’t throw them into the ring just to shadow what’s really wrong here.” I hold back the angry tears. “I’m sorry for what I just said. And I’m sorry that I haven’t been fully here for you, Lills. I wish things were different. I wish Willa were still here, and I wish—” I break off, pressing my lips together hard. “All I can say is I’m sorry. But you deserve better. I hope you realize that soon.”
    I turn my back on her and start for the door. I can’t begin to comprehend how her and Lena… No. I can’t handle that on top of everything else. Some issues will just have to wait.
    “You’re going after him, aren’t you.”
    It’s not a question, and she’s really not wanting the answer. She only wants me to know that she’s figured it out. I didn’t want to leave Lilly this way. With hurtful things said between us. She’s still my closest friend.
    I hear her scuff her booted foot against the mat. “Were you even considering asking me to go? Or are you still so selfishly consumed with your own heartache that this was your goodbye to me.”
    Finally, I face her, and I can feel the mercury turn cold at the rejected look on her face. “My heartache?—No. This is not about my personal feelings for Caben, at all. It’s about my duty to what I vowed. About doing the