Free The Secret Speech by Tom Rob Smith

promised there would be no more secrets. Yet he couldn’t admit that after three years of trying to be a father he had nothing but Zoya’s hatred to show for it. He couldn’t admit that he had woken her in the middle of the night, pathetically petitioning to be her father. He was afraid. The division of their family might make Raisa wonder which side of the divide she wanted to be on. Would she remain with the girls or with him? For the years he’d been an MGB officer she’d despised him and everything he represented. In contrast, she loved Elena and Zoya without qualification. Her love for him was complicated. Her love for them was simple. In making her decision she might choose to remember the man he was, the man he used to be. Part of him was convinced that his relationship with Raisa depended upon him proving himself as a father. For the first time in three years he lied to her:
    – Nothing is wrong. It was a shock seeing Nikolai again. That’s all.
    Raisa nodded. She looked down the hall.
    – Are the girls awake?
    – They woke up when I came back. I’m sorry. I said sorry to them.
    Raisa picked up the sheet of paper taken from the printing press.
    – You better move this before the girls sit down.
    Leo took the sheet, carrying it to their room. He perched on the bed, watching as Raisa left the kitchen to wake the girls. Nervous, nearly sick, he waited for Raisa to discover the truth. His lie had bought him a temporary reprieve and no more than that. She would listen as Zoya explained what had happened.
    He looked up, stunned to see Raisa casually emerge from the bedroom, returning to the kitchen without saying a word. Seconds later Zoya emerged, carrying her sheets to the bathroom where she deposited them in the bath, running the hot water. She hadn’t told Raisa. She didn’t want Raisa to know. The only thing she hated more than Leo was the idea that he’d been able to embarrass her in this way.
    Leo stood up, entering the kitchen and asking:
    – Zoya’s washing the sheets?
    Raisa nodded. Leo continued:
    – She doesn’t need to do that. I can arrange to have them cleaned .
    Raisa lowered her voice:
    – I think she had an accident. Just leave her, okay?
    Leo nodded:
    – Okay.
    Elena entered first, her shirt buttoned up incorrectly, taking her seat. She was silent. Leo smiled at her. She studied his smile as if it were something unknown and threatening. She did not smile back. He could hear Zoya’s footsteps. They stopped. She was standing out of sight, waiting in the hall.
    Zoya stepped into view. She faced Leo directly, looking at him from across the room. She glanced at Raisa, who was busy stirring the oats, then at her sister, who was eating. She understood that he hadn’t told them either. The knife was their secret. The bedwetting was their secret. They were accomplices, complicit in this false family. Zoya wasn’t ready to tear the family apart. Her love for Elena was stronger than her hatred of him.
    Gingerly, like an alley cat, Zoya moved toward her seat. She didn’t touch her breakfast. In turn, Leo ate nothing, churning the oats in the bowl, unable to look up. Raisa was unimpressed:
    – Neither of you are going to eat?
    Leo waited for Zoya to reply. She said nothing. Leo began to eat. As soon as he did, Zoya stood up, depositing her untouched bowl in the sink.
    – I feel sick.
    Raisa stood up, checking her temperature:
    – Are you well enough for school?
    – Yes.
    The girls left the table. Raisa moved close to Leo:
    – What is wrong with you today?
    Leo was sure, if he opened his mouth, he’d start to cry. He said nothing, his hands clenched under the table.
    Shaking her head, Raisa moved off to help the girls. There was bustle around the front door: final preparations to leave, coats being put on. The door was opened. Raisa returned to the kitchen, carrying a parcel wrapped in brown paper, tied with string. She placed it on the table and walked out. The front door