Free Dilemmas of Desire: Teenage Girls Talk About Sexuality by Deborah L. Tolman Page B

violation] can forget or wall off memories of traumatic events by consigning them to the body, and excluding all bodily sensations and intense affects from consciousness. But such
    a solution entails an enormous sacrifice, since it also makes prob- lematic experiencing the everyday pleasures, sensations, and com- forts of human embodiment” (p. 93). I would add knowledge or information to Young’s litany of the sacrifices inherent in disem- bodiment: knowledge about relationships and the sociopolitical landscape in which one is living (Tolman & Debold, 1993). What traumatic experiences might the girls who have silent or confused bodies have experienced that could result in this kind of disem- bodiment or lack of clarity about their sexual feelings? Sexual abuse? While one of the girls in this group described explicit sexual abuse, the others did not; in addition, not all of the girls in the study who described sexual abuse or violation have silent or con- fused bodies. It is possible that the others did not recall or chose not to tell me about such experiences. 1 Another possible frame- work for understanding these girls’ stories can be found in feminist theories about sexual violence, female adolescent development, and femininity, which are embedded in and produced by the insti- tution of heterosexuality.
    Sexual violence is now a well-documented feature of girls’ and women’s lives, and it can severely affect their sexuality and their relationship with their own bodies (Kaplan, 1991; Herman, 1992; Young, 1992). It is not only the experience but the constant threat and not always conscious fear of various forms of sexual violation, including sexual harassment, rape, and unwanted sexual attention, that constitute a constant, low-grade trauma for girls and women. 2 Such experiences are so frequent that they are, in some sense, everyday violations (Tolman, 2000). I was reminded recently of this ever-present sense of being vulnerable that women experience when I was showering and changing in a locker room after the gym I was in had officially closed. The entire time I was aware of the man who was cleaning the foyer (who had always been kind and polite to me), planning how I would avoid being attacked or raped
    and how I would defend myself if I were. My pulse rate was up, my body was tense, and I was afraid, though I had no explicit reason for being so. 3
    Other fears associated with the dangers and vulnerabilities of female sexuality under patriarchy may also be experienced in this way. For instance, the terror some girls feel about the possibility of pregnancy or the risk of contracting HIV, and the ensuing perceived and often truly ruinous consequences, could constitute such an incessant source of trauma, as could the profound worry that one’s education and material existence could be in jeopardy (Fordham, 1993). These threats may affect girls in different ways, depending on their social, familial, and community circumstances. Not having access to or accurate information about reproductive choices or protection may be more of a problem for girls who live in poor communities than for girls in middle-class homes (Fine, 1988). Historically, black women have been more vulnerable to rape (Wyatt, 1997) and have had to deal with the complexities of checkered justice in their communities in its aftermath (Fine, 1984). There are cultural twists and turns in the social control of female sexuality that may intensify or highlight particular dangers and subsequent fears for individual girls (Asch & Fine, 1992; Hur- tado, 1996, 1998; Espin, 1999).
    Dissociation from sexual desire echoes patterns of female psycho- social development theorized and researched by feminist psychol- ogists. This work has tracked how, at the threshold of adolescence, girls face demands to conform to norms of femininity, 4 essentially becoming socialized into their proper place as women in a patriar- chal system. Taking up these norms—not being