Free Damned and Desperate by Tara West

heading out today.” I infused as much cheerfulness into my voice as possible, as if my journey to Hell would be like a trip to Disney World. You know, the kind of Disney World where the ghosts turned into demons and then tried to stab you through the heart with venomous knives. Tra la la, what fun we would have in Hell.
    “I shouldn’t have let Sarge go down there without me.”
    Boner stood, and that’s when I noticed he was wearing nothing but boxer shorts. Little fun fact about Boner, or I should have said big fun fact, was he probably held the record for Purgatory’s longest schlong. And it just so happened Boner’s garden snake was hanging out of his shorts! Sure, it was just the tip, but dear Lord! How did he have sex with that thing? It practically had its own zip code.
    Feeling the heat creep into my cheeks, I shielded my eyes with my hand. “Boner, could you tuck that thing inside your shorts?”
    “Oh, sorry.” He blushed. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.” He pulled his shorts lower, revealing a skull and crossbones tattoo on his hip.
    That was kind of sexy, which was weird, because I’d never thought of him as sexy before. Boner was always just Boner. Good thing I had a boyfriend, and Boner stunk to high heaven, or else I might have been turned on.
    “I’m coming with you.”
    “Wh-what?” I slowly stood, looking into his watery eyes, heaving a sigh of frustration when I realized he was serious. “Boner, you have no idea how dangerous Hell is.”
    “He saved me from a demon once.” His lower lip trembled as he wiped more moisture from his eyes. “I was this close to being taken to Hell.” He pinched his fingers together. “He risked his own soul to save me. I owe him, Ash.”
    “I don’t know.” I bit my lip, thinking of Aedan’s reaction if I told him I was bringing one more tag-along, but then I paused. I’d never consented to letting Mar come with us, but there she was inside our cab without so much as a decent explanation. Aedan had to have known Mar’s presence would only put us in danger. At least Boner had gone through demon training. What did Mar know about fighting demons? She’d hide behind me or Aedan, no doubt.
    “Please, Ash,” he begged, “I can’t live with myself knowing he’s down there and I’m doing nothing to help him.”
    “Okay. You can come.” The words spilled out of my mouth before I’d have the chance to regret them. I tensed as the reality of what I’d done set in.
    Holy shit, Ash. What happens if Boner gets stuck in Hell? You’ll be rescuing your friends for the next century.
    Before I could change my mind, Boner was pulling me into a hard, stinky hug.
    “Thank you,” he sobbed into my hair.
    I wanted to pull away, but I froze at the feel of his garden hose squishing against my thigh.
    Please don’t get hard. Please don’t get hard.
    Thankfully, Boner let go when Jack barked at us.
    Boner grabbed the box of cookies off the dresser and tossed a few to him.
    “He missed you,” I said with a smile. “Why don’t you go take a shower?” I added bluntly.
    Boner smelled his armpit and then grimaced. “Okay.”
    I picked up the cookies and trudged back to my old room as if my feet were lead weights. What had I done? Fortunately, my bedroom was just as I’d left it. Unfortunately, my head still throbbed. I fell onto my soft mattress with a grunt and shut my eyes as Jack curled up beside me. Aedan would not be happy with me when he got back, but that was the least of my worries. I may have sentenced Boner to his doom.

I woke from a nap, stretching my arms to the headboard as I let out a satisfied sigh. Then I had to fend off steamy dog breath licks before I could sit up. Jack jumped from the bed and barked at the balcony door. He was obviously ready to leave my old bedroom. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to dealing with Mar, and I certainly wasn’t ready to get into it with Aedan about Boner. Hopefully, Boner had changed his