Free Wasted Beauty by Eric Bogosian

adores her.
    He’d hesitated for a moment when he figured out she was a virgin, but it was only for a moment, mere seconds, then without a word, he pushed into her. And it burned for a few strokes but it was OK. It was all OK. She’s glad she’d had the beer. She’s glad she’d come here. She’s gonna be in so much trouble with Billy but that’s OK, too. Billy will have just to live with the new Reba. Everything is gonna be OK.
    When Reba wakes a second time, Dallas has not returned to bed and the apartment is very still. A bright light has been left on outside the door and specks of dust float in the silver air. Finding her legs functional, she hobbles over to her jeans and sweater, tugs her clothes on, runs her fingers through her hair, rubs her face and goes to find her lover.
    Chud and another young man sit at the kitchen table passing a joint between them, sucking the smoke in turns and cursing softly. Neither looks up at her, so she crosses the room, finds what appears to be a clean glass and fills it with tap water. She crosses the room again, past the two young men.
    “Looking for your new boyfriend?”
    “Excuse me?” Don’t look at them.
    “He split.” The kid who speaks has jaundiced eyes and a patchy beard that doesn’t quite connect to his sideburns. Reba can’t smell him, but she’s sure he smells bad. It’s possible this is the Chud-guy she met earlier but the boy sitting across from him also has the same matted hair, same tattered beard. Two stoned and ugly guys and the last thing she wants to do is have a conversation with either one of them, whoever they were.
    The boy offers up the smoldering bit. “S’up?” He grins. His teeth are mossy.
    The other mumbles under his breath. Reba can’t understand him, can’t understand the situation. She feels naked. Where’s Dallas? She walks out of the room.
    The cat is asleep on the couch, curled around the spot where she and Dallas had been kissing. She collects the beer bottles, then not knowing where to take them, lines them up carefully beside the couch. She wanders to the communal bathroom. Dallas must be there.
    The room is empty but the framed mirror hanging on the wall reveals a girl with rat’s nest hair and puffy eyes. An unacceptable look. She has no intention of letting Dallas see her like this. Clothes wrinkled, skin mottled with sleep and beer and sex. He’s left a hickey on her neck. And she doesn’t even know his last name. Reba smiles at herself. “Well, you got what you wanted.” She hammers her face with handfuls of cold water.
    Chud or the other kid, she isn’t sure which one, appears in the doorway. With a smirk, he says, “You like coke?” She shoves the door into his ugly face. Through the door he says, “Dallas left, you know. He’s gone. And he’s not coming back.”
    “Go away.”
    “You’re awesome. Please talk to me.”
    “No.”
    “You can stay here if you want.”
    “Fuck you!”
    The toilet seat is cold and smudged with an unidentifiable substance. Was that there when I was in here before? She crouches over it, trying not to make contact. Suddenly she’s crying and peeing at the same time. There’s no toilet paper. She wipes her eyes with her shirt and her crotch with her panties. A smear of pink. She sticks the panties in her pocket. Sneaks out the door and Chud is gone. She passes the sleeping cat and leaves.
    Reba puzzles her way back to the park. The van is gone. A false daylight from the vapor lamps saturates the mounds of cloth and cardboard heaped on the park benches. She gets lucky and finds an empty bench. Billy will be back sooner or later. Or maybe he’s already back home, abandoning me, trying to teach me a lesson? I should call him. But he might be asleep by now. Plus I don’t want to get yelled at. Better to stay put for a while.
    A young woman who smells like mouthwash plops down next to Reba. “Got a smoke?”
    “No. I don’t…uh, no.” Reba expects her to move on and find