Free Before I Say Good-Bye by Mary Higgins Clark

evenings.
    An hour later Lisa shooed the two younger children up to shower and put on pajamas. Kyle, homework completed, went into the den to watch television.
    Jimmy, where are you? Lisa agonized as the hands on the clock approached 10:00 P.M. Something’s wrong. Maybe you did get fired. Well, if so, then I don’t care. You’ll find something else. Maybe you should get out of construction. You always said there was a lot of stuff going on in that business that was downright crooked.
    At 10:30 the front doorbell rang. Sick with fear, Lisa rushed to open it. Two men were standing there. They held up identification for her to see under the overhead light—and police badges.
    “Mrs. Ryan, may we come in?”
    Without thinking, the question came to her lips. Her voice dull with pain, Lisa sobbed, “Jimmy committed suicide, didn’t he?”

fifteen
    C ORNELIUS AND G ERTRUDE M AC D ERMOTT shared a taxi when they left Nell’s apartment. They sat in silence, each deep in thought, not noticing when the cab stopped in front of Gert’s building at Eighty-first Street and Lexington Avenue.
    Gert felt rather than saw the driver’s almost contemptuous, over-the-shoulder glance in her direction. “Oh. I didn’t realize,” she said. With an awkward motion she turned and saw that the doorman was already holding the door for her. The rain was now pouring down in drenching, windswept sheets. Even with the protection of an umbrella, she could see that the doorman was getting soaked.
    “For God’s sake, Gert, get a move on,” her brother barked.
    She turned to him, ignoring his brusque tone, aware only of the terrible concern they shared. “Cornelius, Nell adored Adam. I got the feeling tonight that she’s not going to be able to handle this. She’s going to need all the support we can give her.”
    “Nell’s strong. She’ll be all right.”
    “You don’t really believe that.”
    “Gert, that poor guy’s gonna drown waiting for you. Don’t worry—Nell will be fine. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
    As she moved to leave the taxi, one word that Mac had said suddenly stuck in her mind. Drown, Gert thought, did Adam drown or was he blown to bits in the explosion? She realized her brother had the same thought, because he took her hand and leaned over and kissed her cheek.
    She felt the familiar stabs of pain in her knees as she stepped out of the cab and straightened up. My body is wearing out, she thought. Adam was so strong, so healthy. This is a terrible shock.
    Suddenly she felt infinitely weary and gladly accepted the doorman’s hand under her arm as she walked the short distance from the curb to the building’s entrance. A few minutes later, at last safely in the quiet of her own apartment, she sank into a chair. She leaned back and closed her eyes. They welled with tears as Adam’s face filled her mind.
    He had a smile that would warm even the hardest heart. She thought back to the first time Nell had brought him to meet her. Nell had been radiant, so obviously in love. Gert felt a lump forming in her throat as she thought of the contrast between the happiness in Nell’s eyes that afternoon and the confusion and heartbreak that was so evident in them tonight.
    It was as though a light went on in Nell’s soul when she met Adam, Gert thought. Cornelius never really understood how devastating it was for Nell to lose her mother and father when she was so young.
    Cornelius did everything he could for her, of course, and spent every possible minute with her, but no one can replace two parents like Richard and Joan, Gert thought sadly.
    With a sigh, she got up and went into the kitchen. She reached for the kettle and smiled to herself as she remembered how, soon after she met him, Adam had asked her why with all the tea she drank she didn’t just fill the kettle so that there was always warm water in it that would reheat quickly.
    “It doesn’t taste the same if the water is reheated,” she had explained.
    “Gert, I