Free Strangers by Barbara Elsborg Page A

breath.
    “Just before the office closed, a woman came to tell me they’d managed to get in touch with Richard.He said he didn’t know why I was there.I gave in then.Stopped hoping.Of course, there was no limo outside.I didn’t even have my purse with my travel card.Just my key in my shoe.I asked someone for my bus fare.And all I could think was what had I done wrong?What had I done that made him not want me anymore?”
    Charlie squeezed her fingers.“Jesus, Kate.Look, maybe he realizes he’s made a mistake.Have you phoned him, tried to talk to him?He might have had last minute nerves.”
    She gave him a little smile.“He never intended to marry me, Charlie.Everything was a lie.I found out last night he asked me to marry him to win a bet.I should have been more careful.”
    “What?That’s a bloody horrible thing to do.” He grabbed hold of Kate’s other hand too.“You’ll find someone else to love, someone who deserves you.Just because some fuckwit treated you like shit, doesn’t mean you have to kill yourself.”
    Kate laughed and Charlie stared at her in shock.
    “It wasn’t so much that Richard let me down, more that I’d let myself down.It served me right.”
    She saw the confusion in Charlie’s face, not sure if she could make him understand.
    “Richard was handsome, charming and fun.He brought me flowers, drooled over my cooking.We never argued.He never sulked or got angry.He didn’t drink too much or care about football.Apart from the football, Dan thought Richard was great.Lucy and Rachel liked him.The more they told me how lucky I was, the more I began to believe it.
    “He was a nice guy.He never made me feel stupid, he didn’t overwhelm me by wanting to see me all the time.He respected the fact that I’m busy on Sunday and Wednesday nights doing a computer course.”
    That was a lie but he never asked about the course, never asked about her past.With Richard it was all now, today, the present.
    “He liked my friends.He liked my apartment.He liked me.I didn’t find much he didn’t like.He particularly liked taking me to bed.”
    He’d bought matching silver rings because the gold one from The Wedding Party sent her finger green and even though Kate didn’t like rings, she wore it to please him.He told her she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.Richard didn’t try to understand her or uncover her secrets and she’d been grateful when she should have been curious.
    “I thought I loved him, but I see now that I don’t understand what love is.I liked him a lot.I liked the fact that he’d chosen me.I wanted to marry him because he made me feel safe.He said he’d protect me and wouldn’t let anyone hurt me.Funny because I wasn’t safe with Richard at all.
    “After the woman told me he wasn’t coming, my heart emptied.It was like a water pipe had burst and there was nothing I could do to stop everything draining out.I’d wanted my life to change and thought Richard could make that happen.That’s all I’ve ever wanted, a new life, but I don’t deserve it.I should have seen through him and I didn’t.That’s why I was in the sea, Charlie, I’d made a mistake and let myself be hurt.If I’m dead, I can’t be hurt anymore.”
    She wondered what he’d say, if he understood.
    “You’ve tried to kill yourself before,” Charlie whispered.
    Kate exhaled slowly.“Once.When I was a teenager.A cry for help.I think the fact that no one cared shocked me out of that particular depression.” She gave a wry grin.“You know, we didn’t really try today.Look how easily we decided against it.I changed my mind when you started to piss me off and you left your clothes in the dunes in case you still needed them.”
    “I didn’t…yeah, I did,” Charlie said.
    “So what dragged you into the water?” Kate asked.
    Now he tried to pull his fingers away and she wouldn’t let him.
    “You have to promise not to tell anyone.”
    “I was kind of hoping you weren’t going to tell