Free Self Confidence Secrets: How To Overcome Anxiety and Low Self Esteem with NLP by Dan Johnston Page A

most socially accepted, and enforced, negative behaviors we have today. So how did I break this habit quickly and permanently?
    I utilized our two biggest strengths and weaknesses: Our desire to be true to our identity and our concern for how others look at us.
    In his book How To Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie taught us that the most powerful way to improve or influence people is to create an identity for them. He uses the example of a receptionist. If upon her screw up you berate her, or act condescending, you simply reinforce her identity as someone who screws up. On the other hand you could say "You know I always brag about you to the other executives. I tell them I've got the best receptionist in the company. This recent work really isn't like you." When you do this you create a positive identity for her to live up to. It’s one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever read.
    Haven't you ever been complimented by someone and felt a need to live up to it in the future? I sure have.
    So we all have a strong desire to live up or down to our identities. It is wired into how our brain operates. The "bad kid" becomes worse and the "funny kid" becomes funnier.
    The second aspect, our concern for how others think of us is tied in with this as well. We do not want to disappoint people by breaking the identity they have for us. This is why you'll often act one way around older friends and another (usually better) way around newer acquaintances.
    Ok so how did I use these two aspects to make a radical shift?
    I created a new identity for myself, as someone who does not drink but has fun anyways, and posted it publicly.
    If you must know the soup had peanut butter in it...oh and I posted the declaration on Facebook. One of my higher values is integrity and authenticity so when I posted that I would not be drinking for one year or else (there was a negative consequence attached) I instantly knew I would follow this. If I broke my promise I'd either have to take on the negative consequence, which I'd never do, or have lied to everyone I know.
    I didn't drink for the year and then some and you know what? It was easy. It was easy because drinking wasn't a part of my identity and so the decision making process was eliminated. The first few weeks were a bit rocky as EVERYONE questioned the changes and tried to test if I was serious but once things settled in I gained momentum. In fact, if I was to drink I would have disappointed people I cared about who were routing for my new identity to succeed.
    You may find the same thing in your life. At first when you make big changes people resist because they do not like change. They are critique your decision and test you to see how serious you are. Pretty soon though the change becomes the norm and people will now resist you regressing and actually reinforce the change you made.
    It's important to remember how much momentum and habits shape our lives. Making changes or starting new things is exciting but can be tough at first. If you stay determined pretty soon you build a lot of momentum and it's hard to fail. Typically a lifelong habit/change goes through a 30 day cycle before becoming 100% solidified. The middle 10 days are the hardest as your initial excitement has worn off and you haven't yet build full momentum. By day 20 you're picking up serious momentum and by day 30 it is harder not fail than succeed.
     
    “Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
    Watch your words, for they become actions.
    Watch your actions, for they become habits.
    Watch your habits, for they become character.
    Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Chapter 6. Creating an Environment for Success
    So we're in the homestretch here. You have done amazing work with me here in this program. I'm honored to be a part of your transformation.
    Before we conclude, let's take this momentum we have and use it to create some bulletproof systems to help continue your growth.
    The first thing