Free Dancing With Devia by Viveca Benoir Page B

honey.”
    “Honey?”  She spat the words back at him. “I despise you.” He had always called her honey and now it was as though he were verbally abusing her, like calling her a cunt, or something.
    “What?” Julian hadn’t a clue what was going on.
    “You know?
I want to know too.
I want to know every sordid little detail of your sordid little affair, with whoever this slut is.”
    “But honey…” She picked up her empty coffee mug off the table and threw it at his head, barely missing him.
He ducked, just in time.
“I don’t understand,” he said.
    “Oh you understand all right.” She pulled herself up to her full height.
I am not going to sit here and take this.
I want to know everything that is going on.
If you want to save this marriage, then you had better start explaining.”
    “But there is nothing to explain!” He walked towards her, his hands facing up in surrender, as he spoke.
    “Don’t give me that. I’m not stupid.
You stay out ALL night, and then come back in the morning smelling of another woman and you suddenly think I am stupid, or something?”
    “I didn’t.”
    “Yes you did!  You were out all night. Are you denying that too?”
    As soon as she spoke, he knew he had walked right into a verbal trap.
A trap that, whatever he said, would now be thoroughly analysed and examined. Every word, suddenly becoming the sword of Damocles to his life with her.
    “Of course, I was out all night.  You know that.
I told you what happened.”
    “I know you were out all night, you fucking bastard.
I know that.” Her voice raised in anger and volume, her pitch getting higher as she was getting more and more emotional.  Julian knew he had to tread very carefully.
This very moment in his life was the proverbial ‘where angels fear to tread’.  He didn’t know who had first come up with that, but whoever it was, was obviously married and this was the situation he was talking about.
Julian now found himself about to walk through the ‘marriage valley of death’ and he feared the evil.  He feared it very strongly.
It made no sense to him at all.
    “Honey, calm down.” He tried to placate her, but she would have none of it.  He put his hand out to touch her and she flinched away from him.
    “Don’t you dare touch me.
To ‘calm you down’ as you say, then persuade me to have sex with you so everything will all be forgotten. Because it won’t.”  He looked perplexed at her interpretation of his effort to comfort her. “I’m not playing that game with you anymore.
It might have worked in the past, but not now.
You are not touching me until you tell me everything.”
    Julian wished he had a confession. Something, anything to tell her.  But the honest truth was he didn’t and this was starting to get out of hand.
He had no idea what to say or do. They stood there looking at each other, silently.
He wanted to hold her, he could see she was hurting.  But every step he had made towards her as they had been speaking, she had taken an equivalent step backwards and away from him.  So he stood where he was, facing her with his hands out, palms up, in a sign of submission and pleading.  His face showing his obvious anguish.
    She suddenly sat down, as though the wind just went from her sails.
    “Julian, just tell me.” She said quietly. “What happened?” She looked resigned, tired and exhausted.  Her voice was barely a whisper.
    “Honey.” He saw her stiffen as he tried to speak with her. “I am not having an affair.”
    She sighed, a big sad sigh.
    “So are you denying this?”
    “Of course I am.”  He took a step towards her and knelt down by her chair. “It’s me . I wouldn’t.” He looked into her eyes deeply, sincerely.
He put his hand on her knee and she didn’t remove it. “I love you. Love, love, love you.”
    She wanted to believe him, she wanted to, but there was this thought going around and around in her mind.
Devia’s voice repeated it